Monday, November 14, 2011

Giving Up

I did something kind of crazy today.  For the first time in my life, I quit something.  I quit my job.
Crazy right?


Though I do have something else lined up, I still felt entirely guilty about quitting.  I don't know if it was just "quitting" something that got me so worked up, or the completely inappropriate and unprofessional way my boss attacked my character for giving her two weeks notice.

That's right.  I left that office feeling like the smallest version of myself.  Now, as an eating disorder survivor, I've felt pretty low at certain points in my life... but never have I ever felt that way because of something someone else said to me! WTF Lady?!

Though I never planned on using this blog to vent about a person, today marked a new step in my life.  I had to stand up for myself, maybe for the first time... and I struggled.  I had a hard time finding the words to explain how grateful I was for the opportunity to work there, but how my life needed to take another path.  And that was the nicest way I could think of to say, "I can't work for you anymore, because I cannot continue to wonder which of your two personalities I'm going to get each day? The stress you cause me is driving me insane, and I cannot enjoy my life or anything about it while I'm wondering if myself and my Master's degree are pouring coffee the right way."

Now that I've gotten all that off my chest... I can share my quote with you all!

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak.  Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

As an eternal 'people pleaser' I have spent so many days making sure that everyone else is happy.  Today I took a step towards my own happiness.  I think that over the past few years I have grown tremendously.  And though, I still hate causing problems, confrontation still makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I definitely got in my car and cried today, I did have the strength to let go of this situation.   I still have to deal with the repercussions of working there for another 4 shifts, but in the long run... I know in my heart I did the right thing for ME... and that is what I'm going to hold on to.

Day 22: Let go of whatever it is that is holding you back.  Whether it is restricting your life physically, mentally or emotionally... be strong and put a stop to it.  The lightness that follows will be great! (I hope!)

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