Friday, November 18, 2011

Shantel VanSanten

After my last crazy rant, I thought I should come back down to Earth a bit.  I've quoted this woman before, and I'll probably continue to do so.  She is such a positive force in speaking up for young women, whether it be about self-image, self-confidence, finding inner beauty, recovering from eating disorders, what have you... she is a constant source of inspiration for all women.  I have found a great deal of support from her words, as have many others.  I am thankful for her wisdom and her honesty and her ability to make sense of difficult emotions.  So as I lie here in bed tonight, I thought I would share one of her tweets with you all.

"When u close your eyes tonight... Embrace who you are... know that you are more than enough."

This is me... today.  Bundled up for winter!
I didn't have a particularly great day today... or week for that matter.  Hell, you all heard what happened on Monday ;-)  But I've found some comfort, from Lord knows where, that has helped me out in recent days.  Maybe it's getting the daily doses of advice from people who have been there.  Maybe it's talking to friends and family on the phone or Facebook.  Maybe it was the recognition from Team True Beauty in winning that essay contest.  Maybe it's the blogging, that calms me and gives me a sense of purpose.  Maybe it's the fact that I took charge of a stressful and depressing job situation.  Whatever it is... I've been feeling much stronger and more beautiful these last couple of days.  I've been feeling like I am enough... or "more than enough" as Shantel told me.  

Day 23: Remember that you are MORE THAN ENOUGH... just YOU... the way you are RIGHT NOW.  If you're reading this, you mean the world to me... even if I don't tell you enough.  You are giving me the opportunity to share myself... all of me... with you and the world, and I am so incredibly grateful for this!  "You are beautiful, you are capable, and you are loved."- SVS

Love True-

Monday, November 14, 2011

Giving Up

I did something kind of crazy today.  For the first time in my life, I quit something.  I quit my job.
Crazy right?


Though I do have something else lined up, I still felt entirely guilty about quitting.  I don't know if it was just "quitting" something that got me so worked up, or the completely inappropriate and unprofessional way my boss attacked my character for giving her two weeks notice.

That's right.  I left that office feeling like the smallest version of myself.  Now, as an eating disorder survivor, I've felt pretty low at certain points in my life... but never have I ever felt that way because of something someone else said to me! WTF Lady?!

Though I never planned on using this blog to vent about a person, today marked a new step in my life.  I had to stand up for myself, maybe for the first time... and I struggled.  I had a hard time finding the words to explain how grateful I was for the opportunity to work there, but how my life needed to take another path.  And that was the nicest way I could think of to say, "I can't work for you anymore, because I cannot continue to wonder which of your two personalities I'm going to get each day? The stress you cause me is driving me insane, and I cannot enjoy my life or anything about it while I'm wondering if myself and my Master's degree are pouring coffee the right way."

Now that I've gotten all that off my chest... I can share my quote with you all!

"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak.  Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

As an eternal 'people pleaser' I have spent so many days making sure that everyone else is happy.  Today I took a step towards my own happiness.  I think that over the past few years I have grown tremendously.  And though, I still hate causing problems, confrontation still makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I definitely got in my car and cried today, I did have the strength to let go of this situation.   I still have to deal with the repercussions of working there for another 4 shifts, but in the long run... I know in my heart I did the right thing for ME... and that is what I'm going to hold on to.

Day 22: Let go of whatever it is that is holding you back.  Whether it is restricting your life physically, mentally or emotionally... be strong and put a stop to it.  The lightness that follows will be great! (I hope!)

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Carrie Underwood

"It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole.
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back..."

So often, I get caught up in all of the little things that are going wrong in my life.  Simple, stupid, little things, that really won't affect my life in it's entirety.  Or at least, it shouldn't affect my life that way.  When I get caught up in these little inconveniences, sometimes they seem much bigger than they really are.  I've done a bit of this lately.  Wasting energy dwelling on a small problem, and causing myself stress and pain over something that I should have allowed to just roll right off my shoulders.  

I need to stop.  And I'm telling you all about it so that I have some incentive!  Life is way to great to spend it sweating the small stuff, and I'm so tired of sweating! ;-) 

Day 21: Stop sweating the small stuff.  Let one thing go each day... whether it was a big deal or nothing at all... just let one thing go!  Eventually, we will all have less stress in our lives!

Love True-

Monday, November 7, 2011

Make a Wish

"Make a wish and place it in your heart... Anything you want, Everything you want. Do you have it? Good, Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it, you just might get the things you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN IT. So make your wish... Do you have it? Good, now believe in it... With all your heart."

One Tree Hill- "Make a Wish Monologue"

I thought that this quote was ideally perfect right now.  At this moment, as the cast of my favorite show is filming their final episode over 1000 miles away from me, I find myself becoming more and more appreciative of what I've gained from their work.

Long story short, as a fan of the show, and the actors that are on it, I came to follow a group called Team True Beauty.  I read a beautiful and honest account of one the actors personal struggles and it touched me so deeply that I found the courage to share my own story with these amazing people.

My goal in life has always been to make a difference in the world; and up until now, I wasn't quite sure what that goal meant or how I was going to pursue it.  These wonderful people at Team True Beauty have given me the opportunity and the platform to help make that change.

I entered a contest.  An essay to be submitted, sharing my story, explaining what Team True Beauty meant to me and how it has affected my life.  I submitted my essay, having shared it with only one other person.  Though that friend only offered words of encouragement, and positive feedback, I clicked send... and virtually forgot about the essay and the contest.  You see, the winner was to receive free tickets to the Team True Beauty Anniversary Event in January... in LA.  (Yeah, right.  Like I'm going to LA).

Well, I won... so maybe I am going!

I got tagged in a Tweet last night (for those of you who aren't twitter literate, it's like a Facebook tag) by someone I didn't know, congratulating me on winning a the TTB contest.  "What?" Was the only thought I could muster... and it came out loud.  When I finally got to a computer and checked I was completely blown away.  They chose me, and my story to win tickets to this event that I thought was completely out of my reach.  I felt so humbled and so honored... and I still do.  I feel like these people have given me this incredible platform to do good in the world... and I don't intend to waste it.

Financially, I'm not sure if I can afford this trip... but I sure as hell am going to try.  This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am so blessed and so fortunate to be able to be able to have it.

My wish has always been, and will always be to inspire and to make a difference... regardless of whether or not I can physically attend this incredible event, I will forever be grateful for the acknowledgement and the recognition of these incredible individuals.

Day 20: What is your wish?  "Do you have it?  Good, now believe in it... With all of your heart."