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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Time

There's a quote from a song I've already written about, but I think it fits well with my life right now.  It's from a Carrie Underwood song.

"Time's flying by, moving so fast.  You better make it count, cause you can't get it back." -So Small

There are a couple of reasons this verse seems pertinent to me right now.  First of all, this is an incredibly busy time for me.  I am working a lot, over 50 hours a week, doing a lot of different things.  Sometimes I barely feel like I'm keeping my head above water.  It's not that I don't love what I do... because I absolutely do!  It's just hard when 12 hour days don't give you the chance to do things like, file your taxes, pay your bills, do your laundry or vacuum the floor!  My job(s), that I love, unfortunately don't pay much.  And as I am approaching the age at which I am no longer covered by my parent's health insurance, stress has begun to fill all of my empty moments.  Little bouts of panic strike me from time to time just wondering whether or not I'm making the right choices.  I don't know if I've ever second guessed myself more than I have been lately, other than when I was a gymnast... funny how my worries still come from the sport... just in a completely different way.

I do have a few other employment opportunities to figure out.  One of which could provide me with complete financial security, but may not be the right path for me.  Another of which would be a huge risk, but possibly worth every doubt I have because I would still be doing what I love, with people I really care about. The third option I have right now is to stay exactly where I am, continue to work hard, and hope that I am proving myself enough to the people who matter, that they may create a full time position for me.

With all this stress and wondering, I have had to actually stop and remind myself to take a breath and be thankful.  My life really is incredible, and though I may struggle financially, and may have dirty dishes in the sink due to lack of time to clean them- I am an incredibly lucky individual... and I know that.  Sometimes I stop and wonder how I got here.  This tiny apartment, this little college town, sharing my love of gymnastics... is all a far cry away from the dreams I had in high school of attending UCLA, majoring in theater and becoming an actress.  Crazy, huh!?

Anyway, the point I have been trying to make, is that I am going make a solid effort each day to be thankful.  There is no reason for me to not be.  Sure, life is confusing, and difficult and throws challenges at you from all angles... but that is no reason to ever feel defeated :)

Day 26: Make every day count... cause you can't get it back!

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