I know what that sounds like... and you're right, it was awful... for about 2 days. I spent the better part of 48 hours in limbo, trying to decide my next move. Because I could have gone either way. I could have said, "Screw it," and just fallen into misery. And a couple of years ago... I might have done that. Hell... 6 months ago, I probably would have done that. I decided that was not the best option.
Instead I prayed. I prayed a lot.
I talked to God and asked him to lead me down the right path. I prayed for support and understanding, and I pleaded for guidance. I also thanked Him for all of the gracious things He has done for me, and for bringing some incredibly wonderful people into my life.
You see... I have the best mom in the world. Don't argue with me. I'll win any war someone will wage with me. She is the best... period. Along with Rhonda's "epic-ness" I have some pretty great friends. Friends who called to talk when I couldn't string a sentence together. Friends who texted me to check up, friends who snap chatted a silly face in order to solicit a smile, or tweeted to encourage my strength. I had friends who gave advice and friends who just listened. New friends, and old friends came to my side and through it all I felt Him. He was handing me these wonderful people who were nothing but supportive and encouraging.
There is a Jamie Grace song that literally changed the way I was looking at my situation.
"You lead, I'll follow, Your hands hold my tomorrow,
Your grip, Your grace, You know the way,
You guide me tenderly,
When you lead, I'll follow,
Just light the way and I'll go,
Cause I know what you got for me is more than I can see,
So lead me on, on, on and on"
These words helped me to realize that it doesn't matter what life throws your way. God wouldn't hand you something you can't handle. He wouldn't place me in a situation that he didn't believe me capable of conquering. He has a plan, and though sometimes it is hard to see, you can't loose faith.
In my time of wandering, he placed all of the right people in my path. Those people were there to guide me to this place of content. I will be okay. My life is great, and I know that these wonderful opportunities were not meant to be overshadowed. He is leading... and I will simply relax and follow.