Back on the saddle

After a long hiatus, I'm returning to the blog... if only to exercise my writing skills... but if I'm honest, it's mostly because writing helps me process the current happenings in my world. And as a "processor" my time away from the blog has had me feeling disconnected, drifting and lonely.

So I'm back at it.

I think that one of the reasons that I've avoided writing for myself is that, like I said, with writing comes processing, and in this day and age, I've been quite content to run away from just about everything. Some things in my life have changed dramatically over the past few months, and other things have remained painfully stagnant.

I'm not good with change. I've made exactly 2 big decisions in my life. One was to go away to college (and I almost backed out). The other was to stay at college, and not end my gymnastics career with my best friends. Both decisions rocked my world, and in the end, led to a stream of events that brought me to the place I am now.

I have no regrets.

Aside from taking more risks.

I've always been a "play by the rules" kind of gal. Someone who doesn't challenge the status quo, flies under the radar, and operates under the rule that I will not ruffle any feathers. Controversy scares me, confrontation intimidates me, and the anticipation of upsetting people has been an underlying cause of just about every decision I've ever made. I'm a people pleaser. So I have made many, many friends, and very few enemies. I like it that way, but I won't lie that it has me feeling stuck.

The fear of taking risks, upsetting the apple cart and disappointing people has kept me in place for a long time. A long time. And I can't help but wonder what I've missed out on. Though, I am a firm believer in the "everything happens for a reason" mentality, and I don't believe in dwelling on the "what ifs"- Sometimes it's hard not to wonder if I'm doing what's best for myself, or if I'm doing what's best for everyone else. I like doing what's best for everyone else... I like taking care of people I love... I like being there for people who have depended on me... But I like feeling like I'm supporting myself too.

I believe these two things can coexist, but I also believe that I've prioritized one of them over the other for a vast number of years. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of who I am... but I also think that there are times when I tend to forget who I am at the expense of taking care of others.

Again, this is not something I consider to be a failure... this is something I value tremendously within myself. I just wish I could balance the two a little better.

So I am going to challenge myself to a self care routine. For 30 days. I plan to check in with myself. To journal, to exercise, to do one thing for me each day. This will begin tomorrow, September 11th, 2017... a day of incredible reflection... seems like the perfect place to start.

Will you join me? Will you check in with yourself, and make sure that you are prioritizing your own heart, your own needs and giving yourself a daily dose of self love??

I hope you will. Together, we can hold each other accountable, we can encourage self love while loving on each other.

Best of luck, my friends!
xoxo,

Al