"I won't give up" cover by Lennon & Maisy Stella
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. Even during a time in my life where, "hectic" is not a word I could justifiably use to describe my days. I started writing a blog entry over a month ago, and still have not completed it. I've been blocked… unwilling to let my mind or my heart open up to the emotion that is required to write this story. In fact, I feel like I've been holding a lot in when it comes to writing. Something that isn't good for me… as writing as become my outlet for recovery in so many different aspects of my life.
I don't know what it is about opening ourselves up that seems so scary. We protect ourselves, maybe from getting hurt, maybe from falling in love, maybe from being vulnerable… who knows. We take this part of ourselves and we bury it deep and far away in the hopes that no one will uncover our secret, discover our weakness or reveal our true selves.
What's wrong with being ourselves and being damn proud of who we are… straight down to our faults.
I'm a perfectionist to the core, but absolutely NOT PERFECT. Does that mean I'm defeated? Sometimes I do feel that way. And then sometimes I am able to remind myself, "Al, you're human. You're flawed. And that's beautiful."
Like Jason Mraz says, "Even the stars, they burn"- nothing beautiful is without its flaws.
For a perfectionist… that's a harsh reality to deal with. No, my house is not spotless. I have clothes sitting in the dryer that have been fluffed and re-fluffed more than once (instead of being folded). I sometimes forget to respond to emails. I regularly send bills in on (or after they are due), and I definitely put off handling confrontational situations.
But I am kind. I love doing things for friends and family, and inspiring people makes me feel whole; Being perfect is just a shadow of the person I used to want to be. Though sometimes it is hard to keep those desires at bay… I know that I am the happiest, when I'm simply being Al instead of comparing Al to what she could be.
On Tuesday, one of my little gymnasts gave me a thank you note that she had made for me. In it, she praised me for inspiring her. She used words like "Example, Selfless, Kindest, Role Model, and Amazing." She said my determination was endless and encouraged me to continue being Me and not somebody else.
This eleven year old knows what's up.
Why did it take a child reminding me of what I preach to them each day for me to remember it myself? Sometimes I'm amazed at these kids and what they retain from us. They truly are sponges and are just looking for us to show them the way in the world. It is one thing for me to encourage their own self belief… and to inspire them to live their dreams and be true to themselves… But what kind of person would I be if I didn't set an example by LIVING what I believe in.
New attitude, new approach and a new level of lenience for myself.
Be who you want to be TODAY and share that with those you love; and DO NOT be afraid to take your own advice. Your flaws are what make you YOU… and thats what makes you beautiful.
Love True,
Allison
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