Testimony

Three weeks ago I was asked to give my testimony at church on March 30th.  Naturally, on March 29th at 8pm I still had nothing planned.  It was a challenge to put to words the way I had seen God act on my life.  So I sat there… and I opened up a blank blog page… and I wrote the following message that I read aloud today at church:

My life has revolved around one thing for as long as I can remember.  Gymnastics.  I started taking classes when I was four years old, and for most of my life, I didn't think anything would ever make me as happy as flipping around.  

I was wrong.  In 2011, nearing the end of my grad school career, an opportunity was presented to me.  I had just finished my first year as an assistant coach here at Whitewater, and was offered the chance to start a youth gymnastics program out of our facility.  My coaching position wasn't full time, and the money was very little, and this was a way to supplement my income, and give me the opportunity to run my own gym.  I chose to go for it, solidifying my position as an assistant coach for the team I loved so dearly, and beginning my adventure as an entrepreneur. 

That summer, while working our summer camp, and getting ready to open the doors to my new gymnastics club, "GymHawks," I made a new buddy.  Because I was in charge of the dorms, I had a room with air conditioning (perks of being in management), and this scrawny little 9 year old found her way into my room every single night.  She chatted my ear off, talking about everything and anything.  I couldn't tell if she was homesick or if she just liked sitting in the air conditioning… either way, I got to know Avery really well that summer.  What I didn't find out about her then, was that in the top drawer of her desk, in her very hot, dorm room, Avery had a bible tucked away… which blew my mind, because I had never seen a nine year old carry a bible around, particularly at a sports camp.  

I got to know Avery much better in the fall, as she was one of about 20 kids who joined my club that first session.  Avery was in a class by herself, just she and I, and that girl LOVED to talk.  She also loved gymnastics… so we got along very well.  She and I were a lot alike.  She was definitely a perfectionist, and a little hard on herself… but that girl loved the Warhawks.  We spent so much time talking about all of the college girls and in a way, they became like her big sisters.  They did for a lot of girls, actually.  That was a part of the wonder for me… seeing these little girls look up to their gymnastics idols and interact with them and be encouraged by them was so amazing, and it still is. 

Over the next year and a half, my program grew and the Warhawks got stronger.  They won their first ever Division-III National Championship in 2012, and I could not have been more proud.  In the fall, two of my athletes had become good enough to compete against other clubs.  Avery had just moved up to the level below the competitive team, and she was so excited, and ready to work hard to compete the next year.  By that point, several of my collegiate athletes had coached Avery and everyone had fallen in love with her.  There was just something about Avery… no one could pinpoint exactly what it was… but there was something about her that was really special.  

We didn't figure out what made her so special until that October… after she died.  She was leaving gymnastics on a Wednesday night when she died in a car accident.  When I found out about the accident the next day, there was no name attached to the article, they simply printed that an 11 year old Delavan girl died on hwy 89 in a single car crash.  I knew in that instant that it was Avery.  I can't tell you how I knew, but it was an instant realization.  

I was 26 years old at the time.  And I found myself with over 100 children and 20 young adults that I had to explain this situation to, and I can tell you that at 26 I felt like I was 8.  I couldn't explain it, I couldn't wish it away, or take anyone's pain away… I just felt like I was not old enough or mature enough to be the adult in the situation.  And then I learned who Avery really was.

Avery Johanna was an 11 year old, Bible toting, Jesus loving, Jamie Grace singing, Christian who baked cookies on a regular basis and left them anonymously on people's doorsteps.  She convinced her mom to take her to Winter Jam, and then convinced her to sponsor a child from a third world country because, "Who else would?"  Avery spent hours in the front yard or at the park trying to help kids perfect their cartwheels and their handstands.  She started a Bible study at school even though she was terrified no one would show up. 

She was brave, and the more I learned about Avery, the more I wanted to be like her.  I was raised in the Catholic Church.  We went to church every week, without fail, as we were growing up.  We went to CCD and youth group in high school.  I always prayed, but all my life, those prayers always sounded a lot like letters to God… not necessarily a conversation.  It wasn't until I learned more about Avery and her faith that I really developed a relationship with God.  I had always believed he was there… no question about it… but this was different.

 On the last day of her life, Avery and her Mom were "rocking out" to Jamie Grace's song "God Girl" on their way to school.  When she got out of the car, she turned to her mom and she said, "You know mom, I really am a God Girl." And she was.  

A couple of months after she passed away, her mom found a letter that Avery had written to the little girl they had "adopted" from that impoverished nation.  The letter was addressed to Alphonsine and in that letter Avery asked Alphonsine if she new Jesus… because if she didn't, she would like to tell her about him.  And then, she inscribed the words of Psalm 121, "I lift my eyes to the hills.  Where does my help come from? My help comes from the lord, the maker of Heaven and Earth."  

When this all happened last year, we had to do a lot of healing as a family in that gym.  We dedicated our first home meet of the season to Avery and had t-shirts made in her honor.  The girls ended up smashing the school record that meet, and then went on to win their second consecutive national championship at home.  And there was no doubt in my mind that Avery was there with them.  

We started a scholarship fund in Avery's name at GymHawks, and I've seen kids give back to their communities, write essays about helping others, and design new "Averyday t-shirts" in order to contribute to that scholarship fund.  Avery's mom started a youth ministry in her name, so that she can continue to help kids to make the world a better place while sharing the Gospel.  And Jamie Grace, named a song on her new album "Avery's Song" in memory of our sweet girl.  

Recently, we had another set of struggles.  Two weeks before the national championships, one of our athlete's lost a younger brother, and 24 hours later, another gymnast lost her father.  Our team was devastated by the losses of their teammates families.  They stood by one another with such strength.  They drove up to five hours one way to attend the funerals, missing school and work.  They comforted each other, cried together and prayed together.  They rejoiced when they were all reunited after a week of missing their teammates who were mourning.  And then they went to New York.  No one would have blamed them if they fell apart.  They had barely been able to start healing after these two tragedies and yet they seemed so strong together.  I don't know what the prayer was that day… you can ask Hannah what she said before they all marched out to compete that day… but there was no one who could have beaten them last Friday.  They 3-peated as National Champions, and seeing that, knowing they had come together, prayed together and risen above all the adversity they had been dealt, was an extremely proud moment for me.  

So when I thought I would never love anything as much as I loved flipping around… I was wrong.  Because sharing this passion with so many people and using Gymnastics as an outlet to reach these amazing kids is definitely better than flipping.  


Love True,
Allison

I AM THAT GIRL: Driven By Passion

That face, the sheer pride that overtakes the entire team, that is why I love
my job.  Moments like this last forever in their hearts, and in mine.

As a gymnastics coach, one of my favorite parts of my job is helping athletes discover their greatness.  When you are able to witness someone realize their potential and surprise themselves, it is truly one of the most gratifying experiences.  I'm lucky, because I get to do this everyday.  Whether it's a two year old finally being able to jump with both feet, an eight year old mastering the dreaded kip on bars, or a senior in college nailing that last routine at the National Championships… my life is full of witnessing these small miracles; these little successes that can turn into life changing successes, and that, my friends, is why I do what I do.

The challenging part of my job is when these athletes fall short.  When they may not reach the standards they have set for themselves, and they begin to get discouraged.  Because of this, I am always on the lookout for different ways to inspire my athletes.  It's one thing for me to believe in them… but it's another thing entirely when they are able to believe in themselves.

They are, and always have been, "ONE family, ONE team,
with ONE dream" and I couldn't be more blessed to be a
part of this amazing family. 

Each year, our seniors pick a slogan or a team motto to carry them throughout the season.  This year, the seniors chose the slogan, "Driven By Passion."  It's a perfect slogan for gymnasts in particular.  Because sometimes, when their body is in pain and their muscles ache with fatigue and these women just don't know how much longer they can last in this sport that is meant for little girls… Passion is the only thing that gets them through.  I've been there… I know the amount of passion and heart that it takes to push through that kind of mental and physical exhaustion.

In my last blog post, I mentioned the group, I Am That Girl, and how they are working hard on a global mission to help inspire women of all ages to be strong, to be ambitious and to be passionate about their lives.  I started reading the book, "I Am That Girl," which I would absolutely recommend to EVERY female out there, and last night I came upon a piece of wisdom that seems to fit perfectly with my girls and their theme of the season:

"If you want to live a life driven by passion, if you want to make a difference in the world, to fight for something bigger than yourself and prove to others that yes, one person can make a difference, you're in for one of the hardest battles you'll ever fight.  But it's also the most rewarding."  -Alexis Jones

I couldn't believe it when I came across the words,
"Driven By Passion" in Alexis' book.  So perfect!

Immediately after reading this I felt my heart rate start to increase.  YES, I thought.  This is the truest and most honest way of looking at passion.  There are always going to be set backs, there are always going to be people who are better, smarter, stronger, prettier, etc.  But if you find something that makes your heart happy, if you're lucky enough to get up every day and do something that you love, then it is your obligation to do it well, to appreciate it, and to NEVER take it for granted.  If you fight those battles with all of your heart and passion, you will be far more successful than simply going through life without passion.  Sure, you may lose a battle from time to time… but sometimes you need to lose the battle in order to win the war.  Perseverance is everything.

Love True,
Allison

Happy 100!

June 28th, 2011 would have been just another Tuesday.

But something changed in me that Tuesday.  On that summer afternoon, I found the courage to start this blog, to write my very first post and publish it on the internet.  I had the intention of using my blog to keep in touch with my college friends who had since moved back home, and my high school friends who were in every corner of the United States.  I had been through a lot during the years leading up to June 28th, and though I had always kept a journal, this was different.  This was broadcasting my vulnerabilities.  Blogging meant communicating with strangers, that anyone could see what I had written and that I was exposed for the world to see. -- Something I had ABSOLUTELY NOT been okay with up until this point.

It's funny when I think about it.  I had spent so much time keeping my emotions and my thoughts a secret.  I was a very emotional athlete... and person in general.  I felt so deeply (still do), and though I had all of those feelings overwhelming me, I never wanted to talk about it.  I was always afraid of talking.  Writing though, writing was different.

I kept a journal through some very difficult times in my life.  But it was always very private.  I'm not ashamed to admit that I had an eating disorder, I'm also not ashamed to admit that I sought help for it.  I was depressed, anxiety ridden and anorexic.  A solid combination for NO MORE GYMNASTICS.  And that's exactly what I got.  I had a team doctor, an athletic trainer, a counselor, a therapist and a dietician working with my coaching staff and my roommates to keep tabs on me during all hours of the day.  I was never alone... and gone were the days when I would just write about my feelings, I had to talk.  I was also not allowed to do gymnastics.  I remember begging to practice for weeks... and finally giving in to the realization that no gymnastics was not a punishment... it was my reality.

My passion is helping these little girls have confidence
in themselves, and watching them create themselves.

Shortly after I started my blog, I came across a group on Twitter called, Team True Beauty.  This non-profit organization was started by girls my age to promote their tag line, "It's the size of your heart, not your waistline that matters."  I quickly started advocating for them, writing about them, promoting their posts on Twitter and Facebook, and keeping in touch with some of their members.  I even shared my story with them in the most open and ridiculously honest letter, thanking them for their support and for giving me the courage to finally share my struggles.

I then blogged about Team True Beauty and "spoke" openly for the first time about everything I had been through.  I heard from several people after that, thanking me for my honesty, congratulating me on my strength, and I was amazed at how many people had similar stories or people who had found their strength by hearing me share what I had been through.  It was an amazing feeling... and a new confidence was born.

My fears dwindled then, as I began to write more and more.  I had this faith in the written word.  I had always loved quotes, poetry and lyrics... and this was my way of deciphering them.  Taking the wisdom and words of someone great and dissecting their meaning so as to understand them better and grow in faith and knowledge; that was my purpose.  That was how I was going to navigate through life.

Christian rock star, Jamie Grace, paid tribute to OUR
Avery on her new album!  She is with me Averyday!

Then, last fall, I hit a wall with my writing.  One of my little gymnasts, a beautiful, amazing, spirited child of God, went home to be with Jesus long before any of us thought necessary.  When we lost Avery, I lost my way.  I couldn't eat.  I couldn't sleep.  I couldn't think.  How the hell was I supposed to write?  I will never forget thinking, "I am not old enough or mature enough to handle this."  It would be almost two months before I could even attempt to decipher what had just happened.  When I did, when I finally sat down to write about our God Girl, I found more comfort than I ever thought possible.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't cured or anything.  I continued to mourn, and to this day, I think about her always... but there was something about communicating what I was going through that seemed to help me connect to so many people.

Over the past couple of years I've written about friends who inspire me, family members who encourage me, celebrities who stand up for what they believe in, songs with lyrics to remember, quotes to start your day with, bible verses to heal a broken heart and anything else you can possibly think of.  There is so much healing in the written word, so many things to learn, so many ideas to explore, and so much love to share.  That is what this blog is about.

Recently, I found another group that inspires me.  It is called, I Am That Girl, and they are rooted in promoting and developing the self-worth of young women everywhere!  I LOVE THIS!  The group is on a global mission to change the way that girls see themselves and see each other!  It's genius... seriously!  I just purchased the book, "I Am That Girl," written by the founder of the organization, and though I have only read the foreword, written by one of my biggest celebrity influences, Sophia Bush (seriously, guys, this girl is going to change the world), I CANNOT WAIT to sit down and devour this book.  I plan on writing a great deal about it and the ideas and inspirations I find within the pages.  I also plan on taking every piece of knowledge I obtain and smacking my girls over the head with it!  That is my job as a coach.  Sure, I want to build strong athletes.  But I wouldn't be a good coach if I didn't teach them to value themselves as women... not just gymnasts.  I may not have a global initiative at my hands to help girls discover themselves... but I've got about 200 little girls at my gym that I can help to build their confidence and encourage them to believe in themselves.

This new book is going to help me inspire
DOZENS of little girls (and collegiate athletes!)

I truly am one of the luckiest people on the planet.  I count my blessings every day and I am so thankful for all of the tremendous people in my life who have encouraged my writing and especially stood by me during some of the biggest challenges of my life.  You all know who you are.  You mean the world to me and you have all taught me about the real True Beauty in life.  You have also helped me to realize that I Am That Girl, because I have ambitions and I am no longer afraid to pursue them.

So, thank you, from the bottom of my heart for reading, for encouraging and for loving me for me... and for no other reason.  I, too, love you... for YOU.  Because You are BeYOUtiful both inside and out!  Here's to the next 100 posts!  :)

Love True,
Allison

18 years

I have the cutest baby sister in the world!

Disclaimer:
I am about to shamelessly and whole heartedly brag about my little sister and how wonderful she is.  If you do not want to hear about her and how much she rocks at life... you can close out of your browser now.  I will not take any offense.  But seriously... read on... you might be inspired!

My baby sister is turning 18 tomorrow.  EIGHTEEN.  I can't even fathom this.  When I turned 18... she was 8.  EIGHT.

What the heck!?

I remember when my mom told me she was pregnant.  I don't remember this for my other two siblings, because I was too young to understand it.  When I was 8, my mom's friend slipped right in front of me, and I found out there was a baby on the way LONG before I was supposed to.

If I had known what we'd be getting several months later, I am sure that my excitement would have escalated way faster than it did!  Don't get me wrong, I was pumped to get a new little sibling... I was also a little scared, being 8, and confused about why it had to be a secret.

Flash forward 18 years and my baby sister is finishing her senior year of high school, with numerous awards and accolades to her name, a full athletic and academic scholarship for a four year education at a Division-I institution and I am amazed at the woman she has become.

My graduation day and both of my sisters.

Before I go into how great she is at everything, particularly soccer, let me just take a moment to express that my complete and total heartbreak that occurred when she was six and quit gymnastics was unneccesary, and though I thought I was totally justified in mourning over the loss of my "mini me's" devotion to gymnastics... I suppose she chose the right path for herself.

END guilt trip.

Cue bragging now:

Amy, or "Gracie" as I call her, is without a doubt the most dedicated, hard working, passionate, caring, inspiring, loving, compassionate, fearless, motivated and incredible person I know.  She is the type of person who is assigned a project due in three weeks, and starts it that night.  She studies daily for tests that are weeks away.  She runs extra miles after soccer practice.  She goes in to lift weights on her days off of practice.  She gets up early to work out on days off of school.  She goes to church without being asked, and often times will go by herself if no one can go with her.  She tutors friends in math and science.  She teaches soccer to kids with special needs.  She plays with our cousins and neighbors and any small child that walks into her life, and never complains of needing a break.  She spends time with her friends, goes to their games, plays, concerts, recitals, etc to make sure that her friends know they are the most loved friends on the planet.  She plays several sports and is literally the most incredible teammate on the planet.  She has attended more gymnastics meets than any child who is not a gymnast and even now that I'm not competing she continues to ask me how my gymnasts are doing.

Amy and I through my high school years.

Amy and I through HER high school years. 

PROUD would be an understatement.  I am not sure where the time has gone.  When I look back on the last 10 years of her life from 8 to 18, I realize that I missed so much of it.  Six months after she turned 8, I was off to college.  Sure I came home from time to time.  I sent her pictures, called her, and texted/Facebooked with her a lot after she was old enough to have a phone and use the computer.  But it wasn't like I was always there.  I missed concerts and games and school award ceremonies... most recently her National Letter of Intent Signing Day, but in my heart of hearts... I'm hoping that was harder on me than it was on her.  She has SO MANY people who love her and support her and look up to her.  I couldn't have picked better friends for her, and I'm pretty fond of her parents as well.  She grew up in my world... just 10 years later.  Same teachers, same school, same neighborhood... she is just making one hell of a mark on this world we know.

My baby sister is amazing.  She is my hero, and I pray that her goodness continues to radiate towards everyone she meets.  Happy Birthday, Gracie!  I love you more than Mom's pasta salad... ;-)

Love True,
Allison

Sweet Silver Lining

This time of the year is a difficult one for some of the people I care about most.  You see, we are nearing the end of our gymnastics season, and these girls are exhausted, their bodies are in pain and some days, I can just feel their longing and their desperation for some relief.  Don't get me wrong, I know how dedicated they are.  They want to succeed and they want to work hard for it.  Imagine studying for a huge exam... knowing it meant everything to you... so you study for hours a day, everyday trying to prepare for it.  Now imagine that every time you put your pen to paper your hand has shooting pains, or every word you read from that text book causes your head to throb, and yet, you study anyway... and you do this, day in and day out, for hours at a time because you know the outcome will be great.

That is what it is like for a collegiate gymnast who refuses to let her body tell her she can't.  These girls amaze me.  I remember feeling this kind of pain.  I remember going to bed in tears, and waking up feeling worse.  It's an endless cycle for these women in a girl's sport.  There is a responsibility lingering over their heads, "I must push through," or, "the team is depending on me."  Quite the revelation for these athletes who grew up in a sport that celebrates the individual, and in the first moment of their collegiate careers they are struck with the idea that they are no longer competing for themselves.

It is a daunting and sometimes overwhelming idea.  What they do matters for 20 other people... so taking care of themselves is now important.  Being able to compete through injuries is now important, and knowing when to step aside and let someone else step in is now important.  The line between doing what is right for you and what is right for the team is sometimes a hard line to distinguish... and yet, they know... they know the team comes first and they know that all the glory that will come from the sacrifices they have made will pay off, whether they are the one on the balance beam or the one pulling the spring board.

My girls: Leaning on each other... sharing strength.

It's so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in pain.  Your body is telling you NO... while your heart is telling you, "one more turn."  It's easy to get downhearted and upset when you are thinking about your dreams... but I am hear to tell you that everything happens for a reason.  There are days when you absolutely will NOT want to believe that... and that's okay.  As long as you can look back on those days and realize that you learned something.  Maybe you pushed yourself too hard that day.... maybe you didn't push yourself hard enough... maybe you had a great day and learned that you can go a little bit further.  Whatever you learned... it will contribute to positive growth in your life.  Whether you are an athlete, a student, a parent or a friend.... you can always learn something about yourself.

This song used to help me through some really difficult times.  I remember thinking, "if I just screw on this smile, no one will know what I'm going through."  Not the healthiest of brain patterns to use.  But I think it does have a great message.  Keep pushing through, keep looking forward and keep believing in that silver lining.

No matter what you are going through, no matter what kind of pressures you feel, you are important, you are valued and you are worthy of happiness.  You need to take care of yourself and know that life is not going to be easy, but you are STRONG, You are BRAVE, and you can make it.

Love True,
Allison

"Sweet Silver Lining"

Well I'm going home
Downhearted and hoping
I'm close to some new beginning
I know there's a reason for everything
That comes and goes


But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight 
But I'm just surviving
And I may be weak but I'm never defeated
And I'll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining


Most days I try
My best to put on a brave face
But inside
My bones are cold and my heart breaks
But all the while
Something's keeping me safe and alive


But so many people are looking to me
To be strong and to fight 
But I'm just surviving
And I may be weak but I'm never defeated
And I'll keep believing
In clouds with that sweet silver lining

And I won't give up like this
I will be given strength
Now that I've found it 
Nothing can take that away

  But so many people are looking to me
  To be strong and to fight 
  But I'm just surviving
  And I may be weak but I'm never defeated
  And I'll keep believing
  In clouds with that sweet silver lining

  But so many people are looking to me
  To be strong and to fight 
  But I'm just surviving
  And I may be weak but I'm never defeated
  And I'll keep believing
  In clouds with that sweet silver lining

Compass

There's a new song on the radio that has just completely touched my soul... every word rings so true, and it really warms my heart.  

"So let your heart, Sweetheart,
 be your compass when you're lost
 and you should follow it where ever you may go."

I have to smile when I hear these words, because in a way, it is the truest and most honest thing I hope every little girl learns.

I think I was 9 in this picture, at my
first National Championships, and so in
love with gymnastics.  

"Yeah it's been a bumpy road,
roller coasters high and low..."

This is an all too familiar story.  Every woman, young or old, understands the concept of ups and downs in life.  From what I remember, happiness for me started when I was 4 years old.  I don't remember a lot before that... but I remember gymnastics, and I remember JOY.  For me the harsh reality of life started when I was 16, and the injuries came.  The pain and the frustration of losing a dream (twice) were a major low on the roller coaster that I rode.  I struggled severely for the better part of two years, trying to figure out who I was meant to be.  

No one would have blamed me if I quit gymnastics, in fact, most people tried to convince me it was the best choice.  That was the first time I remember really letting my heart guide my life.  I told them I could do it, even though I had NO IDEA if I really could.  I had offers to study theater in college, scholarships to go to schools and learn and develop a craft that I definitely had a passion for... but it wasn't enough.  Sure, I loved the arts, probably more than most people know... but I wasn't ready to give up on my first dream.  I just wasn't.  

The aftermath of one of my surgeries.

"So let your heart, Sweetheart,
 be your compass when you're lost
 and you should follow it where ever you may go."


So, I went to school where I could still do gymnastics.  Then there was healing, new friends and new opportunities that brought my coaster car all the way up to the peak of the tracks.  I had never known this kind of happiness, and though it was never easy, I was exactly where I belonged.  

And then I got sick. And the roller coaster car peaked out over the edge, and came crashing down that steep, steep hill. 


"You want to give up 'cause it's dark,"

My soul mates, and 4 of the reasons I never feel alone.

Without a doubt, this had been the hardest thing I had ever had to go through.  Looking back, I think my two knee surgeries were only preparing me for what was to come.  I couldn't rehab this illness the way I could an injury... it was harder.  In a way, I was broken, not just my leg this time... it was me, and the darkness that overtook me consumed my life for a long time.  The climb back up was so long, and so exhausting... but there were some very special people who tethered themselves to me... anchoring me, who wouldn't let me fall back down.  

"We're really not that far apart."

Again, people asked me, "are you sure you want to do this," and my heart was what held the answer.  As broken as I was, I knew that my heart would not accept a life without this sport.  So I worked and I prayed and I made it through the darkness to a place where I could again start climbing the tracks.  

Probably my most treasured photo.
This is me, coaching our Angel, Avery,
at summer camp at UWW.

As an athlete, you face many obstacles and adversity.  As an adult, the same thing happens... 

I had been living through the ups and downs and thriving.  Gymnastics was still a part of my life, and I still felt all of the joy I had felt as a child.  Most likely, because I was sharing that joy with children who were also falling in love with my sport.  Again, I was happy... and then one of those children died, and I didn't think there was a rope long enough to pull me out of the hole that my roller coaster had dropped me into.  

"You want to give up cause it's dark"

When we lost Avery I lost myself again.   I started to get sick, and would never admit it.  I saw her in every child I coached whether it was a two year old or a 22 year old.  Everything hurt.  Gymnastics hurt.  I would be giving some one a correction on a skill and two words in I'd have to turn my head and walk out of the gym.  It was like the air was pulled from my lungs.  I cried more last year than in the first 25 years of my life.  I thought I had felt pain... and maybe I had, but this pain was worse.

"No matter what you'll never be alone."

As deep and dark as that crater was I crashed into, again, I had some crazy incredible people there to help me navigate my way out of it.  There were friends, there were sisters, there were parents and coaches, and there were athletes... all of whom helped me heal.  But mostly, there were those little gymnasts, the ones who reminded me more of Avery than I'd ever liked to admit.  They were there to keep my compass pointed north, to remind me why I do what I do... and to remember her, on a daily basis.  A lot of us helped each other heal... and I learned a powerful lesson- healing together, is healing more completely.  

A balloon release for our God Girl, on the 1st Anniversary of
her death.  Both of my teams, college and little ones, came
together today to celebrate Avery's life, and to remember her.

Coaching my collegiate girls brings me so much joy!

It's remarkable how similar life as an athlete is to life without.  There will always be challenges, things to overcome, people to prove wrong, and things your heart wants to pursue.  I am at a loss for words to describe how blessed I feel to have listened so intently to my inner compass all those years ago.  If I had listened to everyone who encouraged me to give in to the pain, to let it go, would I have the same happiness?  Would my heart be this content with all of the joy I have right now?  

"Forgot directions on your way,
Don't close your eyes, don't be afraid."

These girls are my connection to Avery, and to my childhood
heart that pointedme down this amazing road.

If you come to a point in your life when you're not sure if you're headed down the right path.  If happiness seems so far away you don't know which way is up, or if you are just feeling lost about something or someone... take a second to listen, really listen to that inner compass.  It really does get things right.  

Love True,
Allison

"You want to give up cause it's dark.
We're really not that far apart.

So let your heart, Sweetheart,

I am blessed with the best, and most
amazing family!

be your compass when you're lost
and you can follow it wherever you may go.

When it's all said and done
you can walk instead of run
Cause no matter what
you'll never be alone."

Lady Antebellum- "Compass"

Dear Warhawks

To, My Girls:

I write you this letter following the first challenge you have faced this season.  Expectations were high and the bars were set even higher; "By whom" you may ask?  Yourselves, of course.  Your talent, your drive, your hopes and your dreams have brought you to this place.  This place that was built off of years and years of sweat, chalk, tears, broken bones and broken dreams… the perseverance of a program that in only a decade has done a complete 180 degree turn from the bottom of the bottom to the peak of the mountain.

You must understand that outsiders do not see what you've been through.  They don't know of your personal struggles or the bricks that were laid before you in order to pave the way to where you now stand.  They don't know that when one of you is down, the rest of you feel it.  They don't see the way you fight for each other and pick each other up day after day.  All they know is the professionalism, the dominance and the pride of the legacy of your family.  And they know that your family has beaten theirs, so they intend to do whatever it takes to beat yours.

There are always going to be comments that sting and people who forget that you are athletes with feelings, and not robots who perform to perfection on command.  Forgive them.  They are excited to have exceeded their own expectations and proud of themselves, and they absolutely should be.  In doing this though, they do not realize that pointing out their victory to you only highlights the failure that you feel in your heart.  They are going to hurt your feelings and losses will always sting.  The important thing for you to remember is that every experience is a learning experience, and if you came away from this competition knowing the true importance of teamwork, you're one step closer to where you want to be.

I can tell you that my only disappointment would have been if you had lost without grace and humility, and I know that was not the case.  I am so proud of each one of you, and I know that this team has a long journey ahead of them.  I can see in your eyes, the fire has been lit.  Make no excuses, ever.  Take one more turn, and take it with intention.  Promise yourself and your team that you will do WHATEVER you can to better the team, and the end result will take care of itself.  No one is going to hand you anything in this world… and gymnastics is no different.  If there is something you want, you have to get out there and take it.

There is a target on your backs.  As long as you win, everyone else will always strive to beat you.  I only ask that you put blinders on to the nay sayers, ignore the snarky comments and stick to what you know best… there are 20 other girls standing next to you up there who would do anything to see you succeed, and three coaches who believe in you more than you know.  Like I said before, I know the fire has been lit… let's keep adding to it, and watch it light up the sky!

I believe in you!

Al