Jamie Grace- "Come to Me"

When life gets crazy and hectic and time seems to fly by, sometimes I just can't find the words to express how I'm feeling.  I know, I know... You're all calling bullshit.  How could someone who writes ALL the TIME, and shares incredibly intimate details of her life not be able to find the right words always!?  That's what you're thinking, right?  I promise... it happens.  If it didn't, there probably wouldn't be twenty days in between my blog posts (though I can honestly blame my busy schedule for most of that).  

For those of you who have always followed me (or know me really well), you know I have poured my heart and soul out in this blog.  I have written about incredibly personal struggles and triumphs, my amazing family, my inspiring friends, and one very tragic and heart wrenching loss that affected my life in more ways than I will ever be able to explain.  

Music is something that never fails to help me understand my thoughts and my heart.  It helps to put things into perspective, and to ease my mind no matter what the circumstances.  Generally speaking, I am a huge country music fan.  There is something about the way country artists are able to tell stories, that really speaks to me.  I can't really explain it.  Perhaps its the writer in me, but I just love a good story!  When I hear someone else's words that completely define my life, not only do I instantly not feel alone, but I also get an immediate feeling of calm, knowing that someone else on this planet understands what I'm going through.  

Due to recent events that have occurred in my life, I have started drifting towards Christian music.  Particularly that of a young woman who deeply touched the lives of everyone who knew our sweet Avery.  Jamie Grace is an incredible artist who shares her faith through her beautiful songs. The first song I ever heard of hers was "God Girl," played at Avery's funeral.  It was the song that Avery was BELTING out with her mom on her way to school the last day she was here with us on Earth. (I am all smiles thinking of that moment Avery shared with her mom that day).

The song that I am going to share with you today is not "God Girl." Though it does hold a particularly special place in my heart... I want to share a different Jamie Grace song.  This song is just a perfect reminder that no matter what life throws your way, God will always be there to help you through it.  

“Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right.”

I think that this is the truest of true statements!  We may not always understand His plans, but we should always have Faith that His plan is greater than ours... and His plan will not fail us.  

Please listen to Jamie Grace's beautiful song... and check her out on Facebook or Twitter!  She is truly an inspiration!-- And I JUST LOVE THIS SONG!!!

Love True,

Allison

Jamie Grace- "Come to Me"

I had a dream I was standin' on the shore
Two feet planted in the sand
Soakin' up Your glory yeah
Saw You walkin' from a distance
Without a hint of resistance
Had Your arms open
And a warmth in your eyes
You took my hand and You whispered

Come to me when
You're weary and
I'll give you hope when you're hurting
I'll give you rest from your burden
Come to me when
You're weary and
I'll give you hope when you're hurting
I'll give you rest from your burden now

I woke up to the weight of the world
Right back into reality
And all that's goin' wrong
Cause in the midst of this chaotic life
I try to find peace of mind
But You've been there all along
And even now I hear You whisper

Come to me when
You're weary and
I'll give you hope when you're hurting
I'll give you rest from your burden
Come to me when
You're weary and
I'll give you hope when you're hurting
I'll give you rest from your burden

I feel the weight, I feel the weight is slowly liftin'
As you close the distance
And I know, it's gonna be okay when I hear you say
Come to me when
You're weary and
I'll give you hope when you're hurting
Oo I'm gonna carry your burden
Come to me when
You're weary and
I'll give you hope when you're hurting
I'll give you rest from your burden now

The weight is lifted now

Letter to Me

Life is Beautiful.

It's the title of one of my favorite movies, the title of my blog, and something that I continue to whisper to myself on hard days, "Life is beautiful."

I've had to spend a lot of time reminding myself of that over the past few months.  It's a challenge to believe those words when a beautiful child who worships the Lord, the Earth and all of God's creatures is taken from that world so soon.  Wondering that, no matter who you are or what your relationship to that child may be can put you in a place so dark and so haunting, it's hard to find your way out.

There are moments when you're so angry at everything, you don't even know what made you angry in the first place.  There are moments when you're so sad that anything can, and will, make you cry.  And then there are those few moments of clarity that help to make sense of everything you're going through. A song on the radio or a text from a friend.  Those little symbols that prove that despite the pain and the heartache, things are going to turn out okay.

I was so unbearably worried about our meet where we honored Avery.  I stopped sleeping, and just ached for some guidance.  I had to write the intro to the meet, where the announcer would ask Avery's family to come to the center of the floor and we would honor their daughter, their sister, our angel.  It was a little like the blog I put off writing for two months after she died.  I just didn't want to write it.  It was something that made it really, extremely final.

I wrote it anyway, obviously... because I am a perfectionist to the core, and was not about to back out of something I agreed to do.  Though they changed it a bit to be read by an announcer, and to fit into a script... this is what I originally had:

Today the Warhawks are honoring the memory of one of their biggest supporters, Avery McCarthy.

Eleven year old, Avery Johanna McCarthy, passed away in October on her way home from gymnastics practice.  Avery was a member of our GymHawks gymnastics club and a participant at our summer camp over the past few years.  As one of the biggest cheerleaders for the Hawks, Avery knew every gymnast on the team by name, which events they competed, and when they were having a bad day.  Her smile could brighten the entire gym, and her beautiful laugh and goofy personality could make anyone’s day better.  Avery had an old soul, and could often be found talking with a college gymnast rather than one in her own class.  She had a deep understanding of life and faith, and her unconditional love and compassion for everyone she met was inspiring. 

Despite her young age, Avery led her life by setting a positive example for those around her.  Everyone mattered to Avery, no matter who they were, they were important. 

Avery’s zest for life and passion for gymnastics were contagious.  The Hawk’s will never forget how much they meant to Avery, and more importantly how much Avery meant to them.  Today, the gymnasts are wearing orange ribbons in their hair, as Orange was one of Avery’s favorite colors.  The team has also provided orange ribbons for the crowd to show support for their beloved GymHawk.  Along with their ribbons, the Hawks are wearing T-shirts with the saying, “All day, AVERYday,” so that EVERY day, they will take the time to remember how precious life is, be thankful for the opportunity to be a member of the Warhawk family, and grateful to have known such an incredible little girl. 

Please join us in welcoming Avery’s wonderful family, Bridget, Matt, Jadrian and Brody!

Even though the team broke the school record, in outstanding fashion I might add, this was my favorite moment of the day.  A standing ovation for Avery and her beautiful family that I have grown to love tremendously.

That day was so special.  The Hawks broke two school records, including the total team score.  Avery was there.  I know she was.  There was a moment after one of my senior's bar routines (which was awesome) where she hugged me and said... "I was barely hanging on to the bar!  I didn't do that routine... Avery did it for me."  This child has touched SO MANY LIVES.  I smiled sweetly at her, and wiped the tears away from my eyes as the next girl got ready for her routine.    

Life is Beautiful.  

One day last week, I was having a hard time.  You know those days?  The ones that really aren't that bad... but there's just something making you feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders?  Yep.  It was one of those days.  Well, I was getting in my car on that bad day, and a song came on the radio (that I LOVE), and it was just one of those moments where the first words I heard were the best words I could hear in that moment.    

"I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be

I'd say have a little faith and you'll see"

Brad Paisley is a smart man.  His song, "Letter to Me," is a perfect reminder that no matter what life throws at you in that instance, you will be able to look back and say, "I'm okay... that was pretty hard... but I'm okay."  And most likely, you'll be thriving because life threw you a curve ball... and you swung at it anyway.  

I love thinking that in 20 years, I'll be able to look back and know that this has made me a stronger, more compassionate person.  Do I think I'll forget what it felt like... how hard it was, and the pain of losing her.  Absolutely not.  Avery will be with me forever.  But Avery is making me a better person everyday... and that, my friends, is the point.  That is my reminder that Life is Beautiful.  

Love True,

Allison

"Letter To Me"

If I could write a letter to me
And send it back in time to myself at 17
First I'd prove it's me by saying look under your bed
There's a Skoal can and a Playboy no one else would know you hid
And then I'd say I know its tough
When you break up after seven months
And yeah I know you really liked her and it just don't seem fair
All I can say is pain like that is fast and it's rare


And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
She wasn't right for you
And still you feel like there's a knife sticking out of your back
And you're wondering if you'll survive
You'll make it through this and you'll see
You're still around to write this letter to me

At the stop sign at Tomlinson and Eighth
Always stop completely don't just tap your brakes
And when you get a date with Bridgett make sure the tank is full
On second thought forget it that one turns out kinda cool
Each and every time you have a fight
Just assume you're wrong and daddy is right
And you should really thank Mrs. Bringman
She spend so much extra time
It's like she sees the diamond underneath
And she's polishing you 'til you shine


And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
Tonight's the bonfire rally
But you're staying home instead because if you fail Algebra
Mom and dad will kill you dead
Trust me you'll squeak by and get a C
And you're still around to write this letter to me

You've got so much up ahead
You'll make new friends
You should see your kids and wife
And I'd end up saying have no fear
These are nowhere near the best years of your life

I guess I'll see you in the mirror
When you're a grown man
P.S. "go hug Aunt Rita every chance you can"


And oh you got so much going for you going right
But I know at 17 it's hard to see past Friday night
I wish you'd study Spanish
I wish you'd take a typing class
I wish you wouldn't worry, let it be
I'd say have a little faith and you'll see

If I could write a letter to me
To me

Gaining Strength

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot. -Eleanor Roosevelt

A dear friend of mine used this quote on her blog recently, and when I read it I knew it was perfect for what I needed to say tonight.  I've been looking for words lately.  Words to say here... and words to say there.  "Where is there???" You may ask.  Well, at the risk of sounding like Dr. Seuss, the "there" I'm referring to is a speech that will be read at our meet this weekend.  You see, we are dedicating our first home meet of the season to our little angel, Avery.  

This shouldn't be hard right?  I mean, I've written about her several times, I've had almost 3 months to compile my thoughts since the accident.  But somehow, I'm still struggling to put words together to do her justice; words that might actually convey the significant hole left in so many lives, words that will make her mother proud to hear.  Words that will help a person who didn't know Avery to KNOW AVERY.  

That's what is important.  

Stolen from our God Girl's Facebook page.
Everyone should KNOW her beauty.  

So I read that quote today on Rachel's beautiful blog (PLEASE check it out... she is amazing!  http://courageserenitywisdom.wordpress.com/ ) and it spoke to me.  This task, though it seems large and scares me, is something I need to do- something I need to look in the face and tackle, because it will make me stronger.

Think of something you're afraid of, something that you've wanted... something that terrifies you- and look it straight in the face.  Be bigger than your fear, be stronger than your fear.  I guarantee that it will be worth it.  (at least, that's what I'm telling myself!) =) 

Here's to doing something frightening... and gaining strength, courage and confidence!

Love True,
Allison 

Moments

I witnessed a pretty cool moment today.  A team of sixth grade girls got to play a scrimmage during half time of the Women's game at UW-Whitewater today.  In true collegiate fashion, these little girls had their names announced as they ran out onto the court, and got to play on the, much bigger than they were used to, collegiate court.  I just smiled as I watched them in complete happiness.  They were living a dream, creating a moment, that they will probably never forget.

It got me thinking about what it was like when I was in 6th grade.  I remember going to a college gymnastics meet at Northern Illinois University and simply marveling at the experienced college gymnasts, their excitement, their team unity, and their confidence.  Had I been given the opportunity to go out and do my beam routine in front of that crowd in a collegiate atmosphere, I might not have been able to breathe!

One of our incredibly silly moments! At UAA in Alaska.

Sometimes I can't believe the opportunities I've been blessed with.  When I think about the wonderful experiences I've had, the friends God has given me, I am so unbelievably grateful.  I'm reminded on a daily basis of the silly, heartfelt times I spent with my roommates in our apartment building forts or cooking dinner together.  I think about the days we spent in the gym together laughing, crying, striving for perfection, and picking each other up when we fell down...

I got picked up a lot.

Those moments are a direct result of moments like the one I witnessed tonight.  Maybe one of those little girls will find themselves on a college team later in life... maybe they'll be a coach somewhere, and thank God for that one amazing opportunity that planted a seed in her brain about college basketball.

Maybe I'm reaching, who knows... I have a sort of, eternal optimist quality.  One that tells me, "Everything really does work out in the end, Al.  Stop worrying."  (No joke... I hear that in my brain almost every single day). Maybe I'm being all sentimental because I'm exhausted.  Or maybe it's because I received a video yesterday of my Angel doing gymnastics... and all I wish I could do was go back in time to that moment.

A picture taken earlier that week, at camp

Yep.  That's me giving her that high five.  And although I don't specifically remember that high five (as I know there were about a million that week) I do remember so much about that child and her cartwheel!  She worked every single day... the entire beam rotation on that silly cartwheel.  I thought I was going to have to physically remove her from the beam each day!  She would do cartwheel after cartwheel until I had to say, "Avery, let's give Suzie a turn now."

I've watched that video about a hundred times in the last two days.  And each time, I can't help but smile remembering how truly happy she was in that moment.  Her beautiful smile after sticking it, and that high five... oh, how I would hold that hand a little longer if I could.  That is a truly special moment, and I am so grateful that her mom took the time to send it to me.

That's another moment I wouldn't have if it weren't for the moments that helped me fall in love with gymnastics.  And I can't imagine not having my moments with Avery.  My all time, favorite quote fits this sentiment so perfectly... I probably don't need to say anything else :)

"Life isn't about the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Love True,
Allison

Baptism

Today was a good day.  I became a God Mother today; to the beautiful, bright eyed, brown haired baby that was almost born on my birthday.  Quinn Harper Goodman is the amazing daughter of my dear friend Justine and her wonderful husband Eric.  They are amazing parents, and I can't even begin to explain how honored I was that they asked me to be Quinn's God Mother.

As I held that little girl today and the pastor spoke over and over about the "light" in the world I couldn't help but think about my sweet angel, Avery, watching over me and watching over Quinn as she became a part of God's family... a family that Avery knew so well.  Avery was such a Jesus loving, God worshiping, amazing little girl, and I hope that Quinn will know the same kind of faith that Avery knew.

Avery's mom has a beautiful blog, and through that, I've been able to learn more and more about Avery's wonderful faith.  Through that blog, I've grown so much closer to Avery and her spirit, and so much closer to God.  When I was asked to be a God Mother, I wasn't sure if I was ready for that kind of responsibility.  But I think Avery felt differently.  I was overwhelmed with comfort today in that Church, and so was Quinn... who didn't cry at all :)

Psalm 18:28 You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.

There are great amounts of light in the world.  Sometimes when it gets too dark, we have to remember where those rays of light shine from.  A hug, a smile, holding hands, giving a compliment... whatever it may be, spread as much light as humanly possible, so little ones like Quinn can grow up in a love filled world, full of faith.  

Love True,
Allison

When the Sand Runs Out

I am firmly sticking to my goal of writing more in 2013.  We are only 2 days in... and it's only been two days since my last post!  Yep, I'm patting myself on the back right now.  :)

I hope everyone is feeling rested and refreshed after all of the New Year's celebrations!  I spent the entirety of January 1st on the couch watching football, and recovering from my NYE festivities!  The sleep was necessary!

I've seen a lot of blog posts, Facebook statuses and tweets regarding New Year's Resolutions.  Other than, "writing more," I haven't been very vocal about mine.  Sometimes I feel like these personal resolutions are better kept to ourselves... and other times I think saying them out loud to others may hold us to be more accountable.  Sharing these goals with others can help us to add weight to the situation, to be more aggressive in pursuing our goals.

There is a song I've loved for years, that perfectly describes my resolutions for 2013, so I'll share my resolutions with you straight from the lips of the band, Rascal Flatts.


"When The Sand Runs Out"

I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man
He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels
Never knowin' how the real thing feels
He never took a chance or took the time to dance
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye
Today is the first day of the rest of my life

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out

'Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out

That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"

And as the cold wind blows across the graveyard
I think I hear the voice of my old friend whisper in my ear

I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
Learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here

Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out

I don't think I could have dreamed up any better resolutions than these... and I know that is exactly the way my Avery would want me to approach the new year!  Here's to a spectacular 2013!  May your life be abundantly blessed, and all of your resolutions accomplished!  

Love True,

Allison