"Tonight's the night the world begins again."
Happy New Years, Everyone!!! I am writing you this December 31st in the midst of getting ready to go celebrate the end of 2011 and the beginning of 2012.
2011 was full of incredible experiences and memories for me, and I hope the same goes for you all!
I have always loved the Goo Goo Dolls, and I think that you'll understand why! This song is such a perfect way to say hello to 2012! No matter what happened in 2011, if it was a great year for you, or a terrible one... tonight begins a new chapter in all of our lives... tonight is a way to start over... tonight the world comes together to say goodbye to the past and look positively and optimistically at the future.
Please enjoy tonight, and all of the magic that it brings. Hope, joy, excitement and love to all of you on this wonderful evening!
And you asked me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
[Chorus]
So take these words and sing out loud
'cause everyone is forgiven now
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again
I need some place simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child who saved this world
And there's ten million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'cause tonight's the night the world begins again
The Goo Goo Dolls - "Better Days"
God Bless! And Happy 2012! xoxo
Love True-
Allison
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
Walk on the Ocean
Today, I realized that I have probably spent more time in a gymnastics gym than I have in any other place. Particularly the gym at UW-Whitewater, where I attended college and now coach. I have spent 9 months of the last 7 years there. No wonder it feels like home to me. It's not a chore to go there, and I don't ever feel like I'm at work when I'm there. It's just a warm feeling, happy and content.
Work keeps me a good distance away from my home, but lucky for me I have a home away from home. I have a nice little studio apartment where I spend a lot of time these days. I am a nanny during the day, so I'm home a lot now. But my apartment is not my comfort zone. When I am away working, my home is the gym. I feel happy there, calm and serene. Sure, sometimes college gymnastics is stressful, and intense... but that is normal for any job.
I entered my first gym at age 4... so needless to say, I've been pretty content to be barefoot and in a leotard for the last 21 years. Okay, my leotard wearing days are over... but I still go barefoot :)
Anyway, I came across this quote again today, a line from a song that wasn't very familiar to me, but for this one line that pops up frequently in one of my favorite TV shows.
"Somebody told me that this is the place where everything's better and everything's safe."
My home is one of these places for me. Relaxing in the comfort of my home, with my family by my side is the safest I've ever felt. The fabric of the "nap chair," the warmth of the fireplace, the smell of my mom's candles, and the clutter of 4 young adults watching movies together with their parents, is the happy safe zone that I love the most. I wish I could be there more, but real life isn't always that easy.
Work keeps me a good distance away from my home, but lucky for me I have a home away from home. I have a nice little studio apartment where I spend a lot of time these days. I am a nanny during the day, so I'm home a lot now. But my apartment is not my comfort zone. When I am away working, my home is the gym. I feel happy there, calm and serene. Sure, sometimes college gymnastics is stressful, and intense... but that is normal for any job. Despite the location, where ever it may be... I think the true HOME feeling comes in part because of the people who surround it. I know how blessed I am to have two incredible families who love and support me... and that is all the SAFE I need.
My wish for everyone is that they have one of these places. Somewhere they feel the most like themselves. Somewhere they feel comfortable being who they are. Somewhere they can trust to save them from the outside world when times get hard. A safe haven.
My wish for everyone is that they have one of these places. Somewhere they feel the most like themselves. Somewhere they feel comfortable being who they are. Somewhere they can trust to save them from the outside world when times get hard. A safe haven. 
"we spotted the ocean at the head of the trail
where are we going, so far away
and somebody told me that this is the place
where everything's better, everything's safe
walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone
half and hour later we packed up our things
we said we'd send letters and all those little things
and they knew we were lying but they smiled just the same
it seemed they'd already forgotten we'd came
walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone
now back at the homestead
where the air makes you choke
and people don't know you
and trust is a joke
we don't even have pictures
just memories to hold
that grow sweeter each season
as we slowly grow old"
where are we going, so far away
and somebody told me that this is the place
where everything's better, everything's safe
walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone
half and hour later we packed up our things
we said we'd send letters and all those little things
and they knew we were lying but they smiled just the same
it seemed they'd already forgotten we'd came
walk on the ocean
step on the stones
flesh becomes water
wood becomes bone
now back at the homestead
where the air makes you choke
and people don't know you
and trust is a joke
we don't even have pictures
just memories to hold
that grow sweeter each season
as we slowly grow old"
Love True-
Allison
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Carrie Underwood
"Lessons Learned" - Carrie Underwood
This song came on last night while I was coaching, and I nearly broke down into tears right there. It was one of those moments where the right words hit you at the right time. I've been looking for the right words lately, to describe how I've been feeling about life. Sometimes I feel like I've fallen so far behind that I will never catch up to where I am supposed to be.
For instance, if I would have done something different, would my life be easier?
Probably.
If I wouldn't have gone to grad school (or undergrad for that matter), I wouldn't be incredibly in debt.
If I would have stayed home and gone to school, I wouldn't have missed out on watching my little sister grow up.
If I hadn't done gymnastics, I wouldn't have scars, broken bones... or dreams...
Wait.
No dreams? What kind of a life would that be?
Every struggle, and every pain was worth it's weight in what I've learned because of it.
That white scar down the front of my leg made me Strong. And the fact that it's two scars deep makes me Stronger. The purple "swirly design" on my heel is a reminder that I have a family outside of my family should I ever need them. And the one on top of my foot reminds me to believe in myself when there is nothing else for me to believe in. And all of the marks on my heart that have come through loving and losing, dreaming, daring, taking chances, being scared, succeeding and failing have only prepared me to be a more compassionate and understanding person.
Life is all about lessons. If we didn't make mistakes, we would never learn from them. If we didn't take chances, how would we know how great life can be? I have to turn down that ticket... to the event in LA that I was dying to go to. Unfortunately, I can't afford the trip, but I'm planning to save enough to go next year. Am I bummed? Of course I am. But I am still thrilled to have been acknowledged for my accomplishments, my struggles and for being brave enough to tell the world what I have been through. All of that pain was worth the lesson I learned about my life; That it is far more important to do something that I love, be someone I love, and to be proud of that than to waste energy worrying about things that don't really matter.
Sure, I probably could have skipped out on all of this hard stuff had I chose another path in life. But who knows what that would have brought me? I don't want to know. I want to appreciate.
Day 24: Appreciate life's little lessons. You may not recognize them as they hit you... but if you're patient, they will always reveal themselves!
Love True-
Allison
There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.
And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
This song came on last night while I was coaching, and I nearly broke down into tears right there. It was one of those moments where the right words hit you at the right time. I've been looking for the right words lately, to describe how I've been feeling about life. Sometimes I feel like I've fallen so far behind that I will never catch up to where I am supposed to be.
For instance, if I would have done something different, would my life be easier?
Probably.
If I wouldn't have gone to grad school (or undergrad for that matter), I wouldn't be incredibly in debt.
If I would have stayed home and gone to school, I wouldn't have missed out on watching my little sister grow up.
If I hadn't done gymnastics, I wouldn't have scars, broken bones... or dreams...
Wait.
No dreams? What kind of a life would that be?
Every struggle, and every pain was worth it's weight in what I've learned because of it.
That white scar down the front of my leg made me Strong. And the fact that it's two scars deep makes me Stronger. The purple "swirly design" on my heel is a reminder that I have a family outside of my family should I ever need them. And the one on top of my foot reminds me to believe in myself when there is nothing else for me to believe in. And all of the marks on my heart that have come through loving and losing, dreaming, daring, taking chances, being scared, succeeding and failing have only prepared me to be a more compassionate and understanding person.
Life is all about lessons. If we didn't make mistakes, we would never learn from them. If we didn't take chances, how would we know how great life can be? I have to turn down that ticket... to the event in LA that I was dying to go to. Unfortunately, I can't afford the trip, but I'm planning to save enough to go next year. Am I bummed? Of course I am. But I am still thrilled to have been acknowledged for my accomplishments, my struggles and for being brave enough to tell the world what I have been through. All of that pain was worth the lesson I learned about my life; That it is far more important to do something that I love, be someone I love, and to be proud of that than to waste energy worrying about things that don't really matter.
Sure, I probably could have skipped out on all of this hard stuff had I chose another path in life. But who knows what that would have brought me? I don't want to know. I want to appreciate.
Day 24: Appreciate life's little lessons. You may not recognize them as they hit you... but if you're patient, they will always reveal themselves!
Love True-
Allison
Friday, November 18, 2011
Shantel VanSanten
After my last crazy rant, I thought I should come back down to Earth a bit. I've quoted this woman before, and I'll probably continue to do so. She is such a positive force in speaking up for young women, whether it be about self-image, self-confidence, finding inner beauty, recovering from eating disorders, what have you... she is a constant source of inspiration for all women. I have found a great deal of support from her words, as have many others. I am thankful for her wisdom and her honesty and her ability to make sense of difficult emotions. So as I lie here in bed tonight, I thought I would share one of her tweets with you all.
"When u close your eyes tonight... Embrace who you are... know that you are more than enough."
I didn't have a particularly great day today... or week for that matter. Hell, you all heard what happened on Monday ;-) But I've found some comfort, from Lord knows where, that has helped me out in recent days. Maybe it's getting the daily doses of advice from people who have been there. Maybe it's talking to friends and family on the phone or Facebook. Maybe it was the recognition from Team True Beauty in winning that essay contest. Maybe it's the blogging, that calms me and gives me a sense of purpose. Maybe it's the fact that I took charge of a stressful and depressing job situation. Whatever it is... I've been feeling much stronger and more beautiful these last couple of days. I've been feeling like I am enough... or "more than enough" as Shantel told me.
Day 23: Remember that you are MORE THAN ENOUGH... just YOU... the way you are RIGHT NOW. If you're reading this, you mean the world to me... even if I don't tell you enough. You are giving me the opportunity to share myself... all of me... with you and the world, and I am so incredibly grateful for this! "You are beautiful, you are capable, and you are loved."- SVS
Love True-
Allison
"When u close your eyes tonight... Embrace who you are... know that you are more than enough."
 |
| This is me... today. Bundled up for winter! |
Day 23: Remember that you are MORE THAN ENOUGH... just YOU... the way you are RIGHT NOW. If you're reading this, you mean the world to me... even if I don't tell you enough. You are giving me the opportunity to share myself... all of me... with you and the world, and I am so incredibly grateful for this! "You are beautiful, you are capable, and you are loved."- SVS
Love True-
Allison
Monday, November 14, 2011
Giving Up
I did something kind of crazy today. For the first time in my life, I quit something. I quit my job.
Crazy right?
Probably.
Though I do have something else lined up, I still felt entirely guilty about quitting. I don't know if it was just "quitting" something that got me so worked up, or the completely inappropriate and unprofessional way my boss attacked my character for giving her two weeks notice.
That's right. I left that office feeling like the smallest version of myself. Now, as an eating disorder survivor, I've felt pretty low at certain points in my life... but never have I ever felt that way because of something someone else said to me! WTF Lady?!
Though I never planned on using this blog to vent about a person, today marked a new step in my life. I had to stand up for myself, maybe for the first time... and I struggled. I had a hard time finding the words to explain how grateful I was for the opportunity to work there, but how my life needed to take another path. And that was the nicest way I could think of to say, "I can't work for you anymore, because I cannot continue to wonder which of your two personalities I'm going to get each day? The stress you cause me is driving me insane, and I cannot enjoy my life or anything about it while I'm wondering if myself and my Master's degree are pouring coffee the right way."
Now that I've gotten all that off my chest... I can share my quote with you all!
"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."
As an eternal 'people pleaser' I have spent so many days making sure that everyone else is happy. Today I took a step towards my own happiness. I think that over the past few years I have grown tremendously. And though, I still hate causing problems, confrontation still makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I definitely got in my car and cried today, I did have the strength to let go of this situation. I still have to deal with the repercussions of working there for another 4 shifts, but in the long run... I know in my heart I did the right thing for ME... and that is what I'm going to hold on to.
Day 22: Let go of whatever it is that is holding you back. Whether it is restricting your life physically, mentally or emotionally... be strong and put a stop to it. The lightness that follows will be great! (I hope!)
Crazy right?
Probably.
Though I do have something else lined up, I still felt entirely guilty about quitting. I don't know if it was just "quitting" something that got me so worked up, or the completely inappropriate and unprofessional way my boss attacked my character for giving her two weeks notice.
That's right. I left that office feeling like the smallest version of myself. Now, as an eating disorder survivor, I've felt pretty low at certain points in my life... but never have I ever felt that way because of something someone else said to me! WTF Lady?!
Though I never planned on using this blog to vent about a person, today marked a new step in my life. I had to stand up for myself, maybe for the first time... and I struggled. I had a hard time finding the words to explain how grateful I was for the opportunity to work there, but how my life needed to take another path. And that was the nicest way I could think of to say, "I can't work for you anymore, because I cannot continue to wonder which of your two personalities I'm going to get each day? The stress you cause me is driving me insane, and I cannot enjoy my life or anything about it while I'm wondering if myself and my Master's degree are pouring coffee the right way."
Now that I've gotten all that off my chest... I can share my quote with you all!
"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."
As an eternal 'people pleaser' I have spent so many days making sure that everyone else is happy. Today I took a step towards my own happiness. I think that over the past few years I have grown tremendously. And though, I still hate causing problems, confrontation still makes me extremely uncomfortable, and I definitely got in my car and cried today, I did have the strength to let go of this situation. I still have to deal with the repercussions of working there for another 4 shifts, but in the long run... I know in my heart I did the right thing for ME... and that is what I'm going to hold on to.
Day 22: Let go of whatever it is that is holding you back. Whether it is restricting your life physically, mentally or emotionally... be strong and put a stop to it. The lightness that follows will be great! (I hope!)
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Carrie Underwood
"It's so easy to get lost inside
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole.
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back..."
a problem that seems so big at the time
it's like a river thats so wide
it swallows you whole.
While you sit around thinking about what you can't change
and worrying about all the wrong things
time's flying by
moving so fast
you better make it count 'cause you can't get it back..."
So often, I get caught up in all of the little things that are going wrong in my life. Simple, stupid, little things, that really won't affect my life in it's entirety. Or at least, it shouldn't affect my life that way. When I get caught up in these little inconveniences, sometimes they seem much bigger than they really are. I've done a bit of this lately. Wasting energy dwelling on a small problem, and causing myself stress and pain over something that I should have allowed to just roll right off my shoulders.
I need to stop. And I'm telling you all about it so that I have some incentive! Life is way to great to spend it sweating the small stuff, and I'm so tired of sweating! ;-)
Day 21: Stop sweating the small stuff. Let one thing go each day... whether it was a big deal or nothing at all... just let one thing go! Eventually, we will all have less stress in our lives!
Love True-
Allison
Monday, November 7, 2011
Make a Wish
"Make a wish and place it in your heart... Anything you want, Everything you want. Do you have it? Good, Now believe it can come true. You never know where the next miracle is gonna come from the next smile, the next wish come true. But if you believe that it's right around the corner, and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it, to the certainty of it, you just might get the things you're wishing for. The world is full of magic. YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN IT. So make your wish... Do you have it? Good, now believe in it... With all your heart."
One Tree Hill- "Make a Wish Monologue"
I thought that this quote was ideally perfect right now. At this moment, as the cast of my favorite show is filming their final episode over 1000 miles away from me, I find myself becoming more and more appreciative of what I've gained from their work.
Long story short, as a fan of the show, and the actors that are on it, I came to follow a group called Team True Beauty. I read a beautiful and honest account of one the actors personal struggles and it touched me so deeply that I found the courage to share my own story with these amazing people.
My goal in life has always been to make a difference in the world; and up until now, I wasn't quite sure what that goal meant or how I was going to pursue it. These wonderful people at Team True Beauty have given me the opportunity and the platform to help make that change.
I entered a contest. An essay to be submitted, sharing my story, explaining what Team True Beauty meant to me and how it has affected my life. I submitted my essay, having shared it with only one other person. Though that friend only offered words of encouragement, and positive feedback, I clicked send... and virtually forgot about the essay and the contest. You see, the winner was to receive free tickets to the Team True Beauty Anniversary Event in January... in LA. (Yeah, right. Like I'm going to LA).
Well, I won... so maybe I am going!
I got tagged in a Tweet last night (for those of you who aren't twitter literate, it's like a Facebook tag) by someone I didn't know, congratulating me on winning a the TTB contest. "What?" Was the only thought I could muster... and it came out loud. When I finally got to a computer and checked I was completely blown away. They chose me, and my story to win tickets to this event that I thought was completely out of my reach. I felt so humbled and so honored... and I still do. I feel like these people have given me this incredible platform to do good in the world... and I don't intend to waste it.
Financially, I'm not sure if I can afford this trip... but I sure as hell am going to try. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am so blessed and so fortunate to be able to be able to have it.
My wish has always been, and will always be to inspire and to make a difference... regardless of whether or not I can physically attend this incredible event, I will forever be grateful for the acknowledgement and the recognition of these incredible individuals.
Day 20: What is your wish? "Do you have it? Good, now believe in it... With all of your heart."
One Tree Hill- "Make a Wish Monologue"
I thought that this quote was ideally perfect right now. At this moment, as the cast of my favorite show is filming their final episode over 1000 miles away from me, I find myself becoming more and more appreciative of what I've gained from their work.
Long story short, as a fan of the show, and the actors that are on it, I came to follow a group called Team True Beauty. I read a beautiful and honest account of one the actors personal struggles and it touched me so deeply that I found the courage to share my own story with these amazing people.
My goal in life has always been to make a difference in the world; and up until now, I wasn't quite sure what that goal meant or how I was going to pursue it. These wonderful people at Team True Beauty have given me the opportunity and the platform to help make that change.
I entered a contest. An essay to be submitted, sharing my story, explaining what Team True Beauty meant to me and how it has affected my life. I submitted my essay, having shared it with only one other person. Though that friend only offered words of encouragement, and positive feedback, I clicked send... and virtually forgot about the essay and the contest. You see, the winner was to receive free tickets to the Team True Beauty Anniversary Event in January... in LA. (Yeah, right. Like I'm going to LA).
Well, I won... so maybe I am going!
I got tagged in a Tweet last night (for those of you who aren't twitter literate, it's like a Facebook tag) by someone I didn't know, congratulating me on winning a the TTB contest. "What?" Was the only thought I could muster... and it came out loud. When I finally got to a computer and checked I was completely blown away. They chose me, and my story to win tickets to this event that I thought was completely out of my reach. I felt so humbled and so honored... and I still do. I feel like these people have given me this incredible platform to do good in the world... and I don't intend to waste it.
Financially, I'm not sure if I can afford this trip... but I sure as hell am going to try. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and I am so blessed and so fortunate to be able to be able to have it.
My wish has always been, and will always be to inspire and to make a difference... regardless of whether or not I can physically attend this incredible event, I will forever be grateful for the acknowledgement and the recognition of these incredible individuals.
Day 20: What is your wish? "Do you have it? Good, now believe in it... With all of your heart."
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