10 Years

I was trying to choose a font to use to type this speech up on my iPad and I wanted it to be something clear and easy to read. Then I came across the font titled, “Loved by the King." it is not easy to read. The letters are kind of skinny and a little bit quirky… so it felt appropriate. “Loved by the King,” it is. 

I met Avery when she was 9 at her first gymnastics summer camp. The first couple of days of camp were plagued with one thunderstorm after another. Which is excellent when you’re running a camp for little girls, sleeping away from home, missing their moms. In case you weren’t aware, Avery was also afraid of storms. But Avery was also resourceful, and managed to take comfort in the dorm room of the two coaches staying next door. Me… and Coach Siri. I remember talking to Bridget on the phone during one of the storms. I had spoken to a lot of Mom’s over my many years as the designated “dorm mom” of gymnastics camp. Most of the time, it was me comforting the mom, reassuring her that her daughter was in good hands and that she would be just fine. Bridget, was different. She was reminding me, that her kid was fine. Avery would be nervous, but if she stayed busy, she’d be okay. But she wasn’t without sympathy… “if she’s really scared, I can come and get her,” she said. And I remember thinking… wow, that’s refreshing. 

We spent a lot of time together that week. Whenever it was dorm time, Avery and her roommate found a reason to come chat, sit on the bed and goof around. It took a little longer to get them to go to bed, but we didn’t mind. There was something really special about her, and I couldn’t put my finger on it.

What I didn’t know then, was that Avery had a bible tucked away in her dorm room desk. I wouldn’t find that out until her funeral… 15 months later. 

Between Avery’s first camp experience and her last day of practice, we got to know each other pretty well. GymHawks had just started the summer Avery came to camp so our enrollment was really low. I coached almost all of the classes by myself and some classes only had one gymnast. Avery was one of those kiddos who got to work with me one on one. And those were some funny practices, let me tell you.

Keep in mind, I still did not know about Avery’s faith through any of this. What I did learn, however:

Was that she had an older sister named Jadrian (literally the coolest name I’d ever heard) and a baby brother named Brody. 

She was an avid clogger… and from the sounds of it… pretty good at it too.

She was also in swim and what seemed like a dozen other activities.

She talked about her cousins and her siblings and her mom, and I just sat there and listened to this child who clearly loved deeper than most children do. 

I remember one conversation in particular where she was watching the college girls practice and she seemed particularly worried about a gymnast we called “Weber.” She was asking me all kinds of questions about whether or not Weber was okay, why her ankles were taped, and is she going to be able to compete this weekend? 

That was the moment I realized… this kid knows things. She pays attention to the world and the people around her. She loves on them and has compassion flowing out of her. 

Again… I didn’t know about her faith. 

I didn’t know that she had written a letter to a little girl in a third world country with more wisdom and grace than a United Nations ambassador probably has. 

I didn’t know she had started a bible study at her school. 

I didn’t know she begged her mom to set up barracks in their dining room to foster Haitian orphans. 

There were a lot of things I didn’t know about Avery while she walked the Earth. 

What I knew was that she worked really hard in the gym.

She cheered on the other girls that were practicing with her.

She got frustrated with herself whenever she couldn’t master something. 

She wanted to get her cartwheel on the beam. 

Avery desperately wanted to make the GymHawks Team and go to competitions wearing a purple leotard. 

Avery died before she got to compete for the GymHawks, but they took her with them everywhere. For the first handful of years, the girls who knew her wore ribbons with Avery’s initials on them for their meets. They believed, as I did, that they had a guardian angel looking out for them. 

Like many people, I learned about Avery’s faith through her Mom’s blog. Something that Bridget and I have in common is our need to heal through writing. As I followed along in the months after Avery’s passing I learned more about her and her relationship with Jesus. I was floored… but not surprised. Girlfriend got her wisdom from somewhere. And everything I had witnessed about Avery seemed to just make sense. 

God prepared Avery to leave this Earth, and while the rest of us could have never been prepared, he showed her how to leave us bread crumbs, or a map, of what to do next. 

He gave Bridget the courage to share her heart and her story and allowed her to connect with so many people who were hurting. 

He left trinkets to be found, like Avery’s letter to Alphonsine, at exactly the right moment when grief seemed too much to bear. 

He sent Bridget to Haiti, and planted the seeds of the Avery House, a larger and perhaps more practical version of the dining room barracks Avery hoped to build. 

When Bridget decided that the Avery House was something we could manifest, hundreds and thousands of people heard Avery’s story and came to help “build” this home for girls. Through 5K runs, Bingo Nights, Concerts and other fundraising events, the world heard about the little girl who’s last words to her mama were, “You know mom, I really am a God girl.” 

In 2018, when the Avery house was opened, God sent me to Haiti with Bridget. And I say God sent me because there was no way, my life could have lined up any better to travel that far in that season of my life. God knew I needed it. Bridget teased me that when we were getting ready to travel, I asked no questions. Evidently, my heart was incredibly still. I had no reservations. To this day, I don’t remember ever having less anxiety than when I was on that trip. No cell phone, no internet for 9 days… it was the most free I had ever felt. 

There was one night when the entire group of us was sitting in the living room. There were our missionary hosts, ourselves and no less than 10 Haitian children who had been abandoned for one reason or another. It was Easter. We had just had dinner and circled up in the living room to worship. We sang songs in English and songs in Creole and as an orphaned toddler fell asleep on my lap I took stock of the moment I was living in. It was perfect. There was nothing but Joy and love for the Father in that room. As we were lying in bed that night I remember saying to Bridget, “think of all the collective heartbreak and the trauma and the tragedy that had to take place to give us that perfect moment.” It still gives me chills.

And that’s only one example of the way that Avery has brought people together to live in fellowship, to speak His word and His truth and to help bring unending grace and love to the pain that infiltrates this world. 

She said once, “if everyone knew about Jesus, they wouldn’t feel lonely or afraid anymore.” 

I don’t know if any words have ever carried so much weight for me. In times that  I have felt complete despair, Avery’s words have lit the path to healing for me, and for so many other people. I know a lot of people who have been called back to their faith or been introduced to God for the first time because of hearing Avery’s story… and I think that, as long as we continue to tell it, we’re doing exactly what she and God planned together.

I think they both knew that Bridget would go to the ends of the Earth to honor her daughter. They knew that in her passing, a revolution was about to take place. A cosmic shift in the hearts and faith of this little town that created a ripple effect all the way to the shores of Hispaniola. 

10 years ago today, Avery skipped out of the Williams Center at the University of Wisconsin-Whitewater (truthfully, her coach told me she was skipping out with her friends) and moments later, made her entrance into heaven. Of course she was skipping. I can’t imagine Avery entering heaven any other way. So tonight, I encourage you to feel all the feelings that may be going through your mind and your heart. It’s okay to be sad and to grieve what we’ve all lost, and balance that with joy for having known her, and appreciation for the gifts she is continuing to bless us with each and every day. It is a give and take. It’s a careful line we walk with grief remembering the pain but also cherishing the joy and celebrating the good and miraculous things that are happening all over the globe. All because our God Girl, really was ready to fly away.

A love letter to the class of 2020

For a week now I've been trying to figure out how to accurately navigate what I'm feeling. Writing used to be such a therapeutic act for me, so I figured... what the hell... let's hop back on the ole' blog and give it a go... see if I can make sense of this nonsense.

12 days ago, I sat in a hotel room with some special people, as we discussed how we would handle the day that followed. These girls are incredible. They're resilient, incredibly intelligent, and insanely strong people. But the best part of working with them is that they love each other so much, and every single day they remind me of how special it was to be a collegiate athlete. As we sat in that meeting, the coaching staff went through the ins and outs of the Conference Championship that would be taking place the following day. The energy was calm in that hotel room. You could tell they were excited... but they were nervous too. We all were.

The top three teams from the conference meet were going to move on to the National Championship in three weeks. While we definitely felt great about the weeks of training leading up to this meet, it's important to recognize that we have some INSANELY talented teams in our conference. The top three could literally be anyone on any given day... and while I knew our team had what it takes to make it... even to win the meet... all it takes is one bad event to throw a meet away, and as a coach, holy cow... I was beyond nervous that I hadn't done enough to prepare them.

The morning of the meet was calm, but as soon as we got to the venue, the team became electric. It's hard to explain. There was an energy about them... the were ready, having a blast, and just simply enjoying the opportunity to be with each other.

They were so happy and completely in their element, that I remember walking from the practice gym up to the competition gym and thanking God that "this is my job." Sometimes it's so hard, and other times, it's incredibly magical. In that moment, when I was walking by myself, recognizing how blessed I was... I thought to myself, "I am living in a perfect moment."

The meet was great. It wasn't perfect, by any means... but they did what they needed to do. More importantly, they were proud of what they had done, and in placing second, secured a spot at the National Championships taking place on March 28th.

8 days ago, the threat of the Coronavirus tested us for the first time. We received word that UW-LaCrosse was not going to be allowed to travel to New York. It was about a day of panic and finally their administration reversed the call, saying they could travel. I thought to myself, if LAX reversed their decision... we should be good. No one else will say, "you can't go" since they reneged on their original ruling. I was wrong.

2 days after that, UW-Oshkosh was sidelined, and so were some of the teams from the East Region. It didn't matter if our administration was going to allow us to travel, we wouldn't have teams to compete against anyway. Nationals was cancelled.

If I could find the words to describe how it felt to tell our team, particularly our seniors, that their season (and some careers) were over, I would. I guess I could compare it to getting punched in the gut over and over and over again. They didn't really ask any questions. They just sat there, silently, with tears streaming down their faces at the realization that they weren't going to get to put on their grips again, or train together again, or scream "War What?" at their parents in the crowd who would encourage them back with "WARHAWKS!" It really is a family affair.

Some people might think... "it's just sports," and they'd be right to an extent. We are lucky, and so blessed. These girls are healthy, they are resilient, and they will get past this for sure. But gymnastics is not a sport you pick up in middle school... it's something these girls have been consistently doing for 20 years, and they didn't get the opportunity to know that this would be their last practice, or their last competition, or their last time saluting a judge. I can only liken the devastation to a career ending injury. Having your sport taken from you, is something I would never wish upon anyone. We all know how hard it can be to move on from something, whether it's a relationship or a season of life, without closure. And I pray for my seniors, and for all the seniors who feel slighted and discouraged that weren't able finish their career on their terms.

I do have a message for them though: 

To the Sweet Senior Class of 2020,

When you look back on your time in the sport of gymnastics, remember the people who walked beside you through each phase of your journey. From tiny tot classes, to compulsory gymnastics, to optionals and into college, know that each person who crossed your path contributed to who you are. Thank them. 

Remember your favorite leotards, the routines you choreographed with your teammates in the basement, the handstand contests and the travel meets? Those are important. 

Photo by: Michael McLoone

Remember your college visits and the feeling you got when you knew you found your home? In 5 years, when you visit, you'll have that feeling again. I can guarantee you, it will be your home for as long as you like. 

Remember the first time you represented your school at a meet, put that tattoo of the school mascot on your face, and heard your name called at march in? Good. Don't forget that. 

Remember holding pinkies or squeezing your teammates hands during the national anthem? That still gives me butterflies and I've been retired for 10 years. 

Photo by: Michael McLoone

Remember how unbelievably hard practice was sometimes. How your hands wouldn't stop bleeding or your shins wouldn't stop throbbing. Remember when you thought there was NO WAY you could make it through one more set? You did it though.... didn't you. Because you're a badass and a fighter. 

Remember what it felt like stick a landing cold and throw back that college finish with so much pride and joy? Good. Don't forget that either. 

Do you remember learning new skills in college, or changing your routine and finally nailing it! Damn, that felt good! 

Do you remember having really tough conversations with your teammates or your coaches? Those conversations that are painful and filled with so much growth and self discovery? Those are the conversations that helped you become an adult. 

Do you remember being able to walk 5 feet to your best friend's bedroom and sit on her bed and laugh and cry together for hours? Good. She may not always live 5 feet away... but she will ALWAYS be there for you in the same way. 

Photo by: Michael McLoone

Do you remember screaming so loud at a meet for your teammates that you couldn't speak for days afterward? Great. Then they absolutely know how much you love them. 

What I'm trying to say, sweet girls, is that none of these incredible moments and memories have to do with winning awards or titles or notoriety. There is not one meet that makes or breaks a career, and this ending does not diminish all of the miraculous relationships, accomplishments and memories you have gained through your journey. You have been so blessed with the ability to do college gymnastics, and I hope that you can cherish the memories that you've made without the sour taste of how it ended. You all have so much to be proud of. I hope you know that, and I hope that what you have been through deepens your hearts and souls. Thank you for your contribution to our sport, to your team, and to your gymnastics families. Beautiful girl, you can hang those grips up with pride. I think I speak for everyone when I say I'm sorry that your ending wasn't perfect, but know that your journey was always your own. 

-Al

Phases

I've been searching a lot lately. You know... midlife crisis style... as if there were a "one third-life-crisis." I feel as though I've been on the precipice of a major life change for a while, and it's about to hit me square in the face. For those of you who know me, you can probably assume how anxious this has had me. I'm not a "change" gal... In fact, I've made one major change in my life in 31 years.

I went away to college.

I'm still at college.

Okay, I'm not still IN college, but I'm still in the same town, teaching the same classes I took as an undergrad and coaching the same team I was once a part of. I'm going to go ahead and diagnose myself with a fear of change, okay?

It's crazy, one day I can feel so lost and overwhelmed and full of doubt and fear. I could have a lack of motivation or question my abilities my convictions, etc. While the next day, I feel like superwoman, capable of absolutely anything. Do not stand in my way on those days... or better yet, try to... I'll move your ass right out of the way!

"Darling, the moon is still the moon in all of its phases."

This quote was provided to me from the ladies at I AM THAT GIRL. It has since been residing as the background of my phone. When I really dove in to it, the words impacted me more than I could have anticipated.

The moon has many phases. But even when it looks like a sliver in the sky, the whole of the full moon is actually there. It is always, in fact, a full moon... even if it does not appear to be full when one looks to the heavens. 

Similarly, on those days where you and I feel less than, not entirely whole, or lost and confused... our full value, our innate worth, our truest soul is still fully present, even though we may not be able to see it. We exist as a complete being, whether our feelings about ourselves in any given moment are able to comprehend that. We will go through phases of life where we feel like a full, bright moon, and phases when we feel like our moon is barely visible. Both are okay, both are necessary to feel the magnitude of our humanity. 

Because if we didn't know what it felt like to be a crescent moon, we would not understand the greatness of shining our fullness to the world. 

Like the moon, we all have phases. Sometimes we're in a crescent season of life. Other seasons, we bask in the full glow of our passions and potential. They are both important. They both deserve to be embraced. 

So, if you're like me and are struggling to see a glimmer of your tiny moon in the sky, know that seasons change, and you're on the verge of a full moon. If you're basking in the glow of greatness currently, shine that light for everyone to see. 

Allison

Back on the saddle

After a long hiatus, I'm returning to the blog... if only to exercise my writing skills... but if I'm honest, it's mostly because writing helps me process the current happenings in my world. And as a "processor" my time away from the blog has had me feeling disconnected, drifting and lonely.

So I'm back at it.

I think that one of the reasons that I've avoided writing for myself is that, like I said, with writing comes processing, and in this day and age, I've been quite content to run away from just about everything. Some things in my life have changed dramatically over the past few months, and other things have remained painfully stagnant.

I'm not good with change. I've made exactly 2 big decisions in my life. One was to go away to college (and I almost backed out). The other was to stay at college, and not end my gymnastics career with my best friends. Both decisions rocked my world, and in the end, led to a stream of events that brought me to the place I am now.

I have no regrets.

Aside from taking more risks.

I've always been a "play by the rules" kind of gal. Someone who doesn't challenge the status quo, flies under the radar, and operates under the rule that I will not ruffle any feathers. Controversy scares me, confrontation intimidates me, and the anticipation of upsetting people has been an underlying cause of just about every decision I've ever made. I'm a people pleaser. So I have made many, many friends, and very few enemies. I like it that way, but I won't lie that it has me feeling stuck.

The fear of taking risks, upsetting the apple cart and disappointing people has kept me in place for a long time. A long time. And I can't help but wonder what I've missed out on. Though, I am a firm believer in the "everything happens for a reason" mentality, and I don't believe in dwelling on the "what ifs"- Sometimes it's hard not to wonder if I'm doing what's best for myself, or if I'm doing what's best for everyone else. I like doing what's best for everyone else... I like taking care of people I love... I like being there for people who have depended on me... But I like feeling like I'm supporting myself too.

I believe these two things can coexist, but I also believe that I've prioritized one of them over the other for a vast number of years. I'm proud of that. I'm proud of who I am... but I also think that there are times when I tend to forget who I am at the expense of taking care of others.

Again, this is not something I consider to be a failure... this is something I value tremendously within myself. I just wish I could balance the two a little better.

So I am going to challenge myself to a self care routine. For 30 days. I plan to check in with myself. To journal, to exercise, to do one thing for me each day. This will begin tomorrow, September 11th, 2017... a day of incredible reflection... seems like the perfect place to start.

Will you join me? Will you check in with yourself, and make sure that you are prioritizing your own heart, your own needs and giving yourself a daily dose of self love??

I hope you will. Together, we can hold each other accountable, we can encourage self love while loving on each other.

Best of luck, my friends!
xoxo,

Al

IATG day at 6 Flags

My world is spinning. Today was magical... I can't find the words right now. So until I can, here's a copy of the keynote speech I gave today at Great America...

Good Morning! My name is Allison Annala, and I am so excited to be here today to help celebrate an organization that has not only impacted my life, but the lives of nearly 1 million girls worldwide. If you haven’t already heard about I AM THAT GIRL, get excited, because if you are a girl, are the parent of a girl, or just happen to know a girl, I can guarantee that you are going to love this organization and what it’s already doing to help the women and girls in your life.

As women, we receive countless messages every single day reminding us of all the things we are not. They tell us to wear push up bras and slim fit jeans, buy designer brands, and keep up trendy fashion. Then they harp on our bodies by saying we should work out but don’t get too muscular, don’t be too fat but don’t be too skinny either. Don’t wear too much make up, but make sure you wear enough make up… and don’t forget the “anti-aging” creams, because God forbid you get a wrinkle before you turn 60…you name it, we feel the pressure. Whether its through advertising, feedback from our peers or the opposite sex, or messages in the media, we are constantly being reminded that we are not enough. It positively boggles my mind to think that we are all chasing after an unattainable ideal, that as a society, we’ve somehow manifested this image of perfection that every woman has been tasked to live up to.

Well, I don’t know about you, but I think girls deserve better than this and thankfully, so does I AM THAT GIRL.

I AM THAT GIRL is a chapter-based 501c3 non-profit organization made up of almost 300 active Local Chapters in the US and a network of over 1 Million online followers! We provide leadership & social and personal development programming to young women in High School and College. Our mission is to cultivate self-worth, community engagement & action, so that together we can amplify the voices, stories, and potential of girls everywhere.

We are a for-girls-by-girls community, that is peer led. This means that every chapter is founded and maintained by the girls themselves - with the help and support of IATG staff. We provide the curriculum, but the girls provide their own unique experiences, concerns, and values. Though chapters discuss many of the same topics, every community is a little bit different and has different needs. We don't tell girls how to think, we empower them to speak their mind and listen actively to others to create an atmosphere that empowers each individual group. Every chapter is unique, but they are all connected in a robust community, allowing girls to make strong, lasting connections with each other and inspiring them to grow as leaders and mentors both at their school and on a global scale.

One example of this, is our curriculum topic “Your Future”- Obviously, it’s a really broad category with discussion prompts that include, “How do you picture your life in 5 years?” or “What are you doing now to set yourself up to reach your long term goals?” Even though these questions are pretty standard, they can solicit a myriad of different conversations across chapters. High school chapters will be looking more toward the excitement of the college experience, while our collegiate chapters may have conversations about their post college-life aspirations. While the discussions may be different from coast to coast, or across the age spectrum, the theme behind the meetings is always the same. Celebrate each other through open mindedness and lift others up with love and compassion.

While the conversations can vary tremendously, one thing remains incredibly consistent with our chapters, and that is our signature activity that kicks off every I AM THAT GIRL meeting, it’s called: “I am that girl because…”

At the start of each gathering, members take turns going around the circle telling each other what makes them “that girl” in this moment. They may have a success to celebrate, like a good grade on a test, or a scored goal in a soccer game. They may have overcome something to help gain perspective. Or, they may simply acknowledge that they are going through a tough time, and they are just trying to keep moving forward. Whatever it is, this activity works in many ways to help build understanding among members and cultivate lasting relationships by developing a circle of trust and support.

I’d love for you all to take a minute right now and think of what makes you “that girl” or “that guy” in this moment. What can you celebrate about yourself right now. It can be something totally small or something truly spectacular. It might be hard at first… because bragging about ourselves is something that most of us only do well until we’re about 6.

So, while you’re taking a minute to think of what makes you truly special right now, I’d like to share mine! Today, I am that girl because I’m doing something that scares me. I’m standing in front of a crowd of strangers challenging myself to be vulnerable, authentic and honest… and to not worry about what all of y’all think of me. Not an easy task, but I’m going for it, and I’m proud of myself.

This incredible organization is aimed at helping young women to become the best version of themselves. We want to empower, inspire and help women to express, love and BE who they are. One of my absolute favorite quotes, is “Comparison is the thief of Joy,” because it could not possibly be more true. In this day and age, it is so easy to compare our lives with the social media highlight reels that we are exposed to. You know, all of those people on Facebook and Instagram that appear to only go on vacation, eat fancy dinners or get married all the time?! That’s not necessarily their reality… it’s just what they choose to showcase to the world. But when that’s all we see, it’s hard to not compare ourselves to those seemingly lavish lifestyles. Our goal is to encourage collaboration among women instead of competition, to teach girls to lift while they climb, and to recognize that someone else’s achievements DO NOT diminish their own.

Part of our programming at I AM THAT GIRL, is to encourage each other to embrace vulnerability as a strength rather than a weakness. Like many people, this was not always easy for me. You see, I was a competitive gymnast for almost 20 years, and growing up as an athlete, I definitely embraced more of a “prove I’m a badass by concealing all emotions” kind of mentality. Learning to recognize my feelings, to allow them to exist and to appreciate them for what they were was not an easy task for me. It took a lot of practice, but I’m definitely getting better at it. So before I tell you my story, I’d like to ask your permission to get real with you, to be vulnerable, and to really share what’s on my heart.

Is that okay with y’all?

I stumbled upon the I AM THAT GIRL community when a celebrity I worshiped posted about it on Twitter. I was so enamored with what I found, that I immediately went out and purchased our founder’s book, coincidentally titled, I AM THAT GIRL. I as I was reading Alexis Jones’ inspiring words, I felt, for the first time in years, that someone truly understood what I was going through. Here’s a quick excerpt from her book,

“To be ‘that girl’ just means you’re going to give life your best shot, that you’re not going to make excuses or justifications, that you’re going to go for it, whatever that means for you. It also means you’re going to be an example of true beauty in the world and encourage the same for all the other women in your life. Being ‘that girl’ means you are a constant work in progress—you’re willing to be vulnerable, flawed and compassionate and are someone who stumbles and falls but isn’t afraid to admit her shortcomings in the midst of her magnificence.”

That’s when I started thinking about all of those girls I had admired for being ‘that girl’ in my life. You know, ‘that girl’ who is an amazing singer, ‘that girl’ who beats all the boys at sports, ‘that girl’ who has no idea how beautiful she is, ‘that girl’ who radiates confidence no matter what her circumstances, ‘that girl’ who is so smart, she’ll probably change the world …

I had never pictured myself in the same way. I felt less than those girls somehow, never assuming that I would be worthy of the same kind of admiration I felt for the girls I looked up to. But reading Alexis’ words about what truly defined ‘that girl’ changed me, and started me on a journey of self-discovery that completely transformed my world.

I devoured every word in that book. I felt as though she was speaking directly to me, like she knew what I was going through even though I was completely unable to express it to people I knew and trusted. I felt like I was carrying this really heavy secret, that if I actually told people how I felt, they would look at me differently. I had this perceived image of myself that was happy go lucky girl. I was a good friend, a doting daughter, a loving big sister and a hardworking, independent young woman. But that was only half of my story and I wanted desperately to connect with someone who could understand the deeper part of my heart.  

I AM THAT GIRL gave me the outlet I was looking for, and when I finally found the courage to share my story on the their website, the response I received was overwhelming. You see, I spent the better part of 10 years fighting feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, depression, and disordered eating habits. The worst part of it was that I couldn’t understand where it was coming from. I had a GREAT life… and in the back of my mind I couldn’t grasp why I was going through all of this internally when externally, everything around me indicated I had a perfect life. It just didn’t make sense. I mean, I knew that my friends and parents and other people I looked up to had their own insecurities, just like the next guy, but when I looked around, it seemed to me that I was the only one I knew who struggling the way I was. That is until I was brave enough to publish my article.

The response was immediate. It was shared hundreds, maybe thousands of times on Facebook. The comments came in from everywhere and I was gifted this incredible opportunity to embrace who I was and talk about my struggles openly both online, and in person. You would not believe the kind of doors that opened for me in my everyday life. My friends instantly began asking me more questions and opening up to me about their own inner struggles. Though our challenges weren’t necessarily the same, I quickly realized that I wasn’t the only one who felt alone in my problems, and that was an incredibly comforting realization. You see, we live in this world that rarely provides space for us struggle. I had gone on for years, just convincing myself that I was “handling it” – and it wasn’t until I found this community of women who weren’t uncomfortable learning about my battle with anorexia that I finally understood what I had been missing. It was a space to be unapologetically me… exactly as I was then, and exactly as I am now. I’m always changing and growing and learning… and I don’t plan to be the same Allison in 5 years that I am today, kind of the same way I’m definitely not the girl I was 5 years ago. I truly believe that we GROW THROUGH what we GO THROUGH and I AM THAT GIRL provides girls the tools to embrace their own uniqueness and their vulnerability and to appreciate both of those beautiful parts of them.

I can’t even begin to tell you what leading a Chapter of I AM THAT GIRL has meant for me. It’s taught me to quit hiding behind perfection, and to be 100% my most authentic self. And guess what… people like that version of me! It’s crazy, right!

Our founder, Alexis Jones says that the two most powerful words in the English language are “Me Too.” I can say from experience, that it feels really good to know you’re not alone. But sometimes the only way we can discover that someone else is walking our same path is by being courageous enough to go first and to say what’s truly on our hearts.

My story is just that, it’s my story. But it’s one of a million stories that represent what this community is doing in the world. I could tell you stories of countless other amazing girls who have faced mountains of their own. Each one is unique, each story is different, but the one thing these girls all have in common is that they have found comfort, encouragement, support, love and resilience in the communities that I AM THAT GIRL helps to provide.

I AM THAT GIRL is not just a safe place for girls to express, love and be who they are. It’s a life style. It’s teaching these young women that it is okay to embrace who they are, to celebrate their differences and lift each other up, and these are skills that every young woman should possess. The effect that this organization has had on my life is profound. The magnitude of what I’ve learned has snowballed into every aspect of my life. I’d love to see a chapter pop up at every high school and college campus nationwide. Because to me, the greatest gift any girl can receive is permission to be herself, to love who she sees in the mirror, the voice in her head, the dreams in her mind and the spirit in her heart. It’s the gift of I AM THAT GIRL… and I’m so thankful I received it.

Inauguration Day

I’ve never considered myself a political person. Nor would I consider myself a confrontational person. I hate arguing. I usually bite my tongue when I don’t agree with something, particularly if my opposing opinion would result in ruffling someone’s feathers. Because I develop severe anxiety in situations where I would like to express my feelings but am too afraid to do so, I have spent a great deal of this election cycle refraining from engaging in any political conversation. It makes me uncomfortable. Not because I don’t have beliefs… believe me, I do, but because all of the hate that has occurred has had me doubting who I could feel safe sharing my thoughts with. Social media has been the worst. I have wrestled time and time again with “liking” comments, or commenting on things I do not “like.” I have cried over posts I’ve seen shared by people I love advocating for hate. And I have felt desperate for hope for so many people who feel persecuted and fearful of what their lives may become. Through it all, I have remained virtually silent.

Not today.

Today, I feel a sense of obligation to share what’s been weighing on my heart. I am not able to attend one of the many women’s marches being held tomorrow, but I can say with confidence that my interests and my beliefs will be well represented in every corner of this GREAT nation. Let me first say, that I am a true Patriot at heart. I 100% respect the office of the President of the United States of America, and I believe that “equality for all Americans” should actually include ALL AMERICANS.

I believe in kindness and compassion.

I believe that black lives matter.

I believe that sexual assault survivors deserve to be heard, believed and protected.

I believe that EVERYONE deserves to have an affordable, quality education.

I believe that EVERYONE deserves affordable, quality health care regardless of preexisting conditions.

I believe that transgendered human beings should be treated as human beings.

I believe in equal pay for women.

I believe that women’s rights are human rights.

I still believe that this truly is the Promised Land, and we should do what is within our means to welcome anyone who is seeking a better life the same way our founders did.

I believe that despite all of the disagreements and harsh feelings that we are still one people… we are all Americans, and if there is one line from Mr. Trump’s inauguration speech I will cling to it is that no matter the color of our skin, “we all bleed the same red blood of Patriotism.”

And I believe that LOVE is LOVE.

Yes, I am a feminist, and those of you reading this may brush me off as just another angry liberal disapproving of the Republican agenda. But just like the Conservatives didn’t like being associated with rape culture, racism and Trumps unkind words about the disabled, I need to make something quite clear.

My heart is breaking a little bit in fear of what is to come. But NO, I do not approve of the violent rioters that are protesting this Inauguration. I also do not appreciate being called a “liberal crybaby” because I didn’t get what I want. You know what I want?? I want the American people to feel safe. I want my friends who are gay to live without fear of their marriage licenses being revoked. I want the 14 year old girl I know who just beat cancer to be able to have health insurance when she’s 26 years old. I want myself, my friends and future college students to have the weight of student loans lifted off their shoulders. I want black men to feel safe at ALL TIMES. I want the pay gap eliminated. I want adults and children with disabilities to be afforded opportunities that will enhance their quality of life, and I want girls to grow up knowing they are JUST AS GOOD as their male counterparts.

Here’s the thing. I did not vote for President Trump. He was not my first choice to run our country. If I’m being totally honest, he probably wouldn’t have made my top 10 (or 100). But there he is… holding the most prestigious office in our nation. So with that, I will end this blog saying that I PRAY that President Trump does an impeccable job holding this office. I may not believe he belongs in the White House, but I can say with complete and total honesty that I would love, more than anything in the world, to look back in 4 years and say, “Thank you, Sir, for proving me wrong.”

Sincerely,

A slightly terrified liberal feminist who is clinging to hope

My sincerest gratitude to President Barak Obama and First Lady Michelle for their dedicated and heartfelt service to our Nation over the past 8 years. You served with dignity and poise and I am so proud to have born witness to your leadership and service.